Wednesday, January 26, 2005


There's snow business like snow business, like no business I know. Excuse me for plagerizing that show tune, but I decided to forgo the expletives deleted.
Having just survived the Blizzard of '05, which socked the Boston area with 27-38 inches of the white stuff, I find myself a little testy. I offer you a pop-quiz in multiple choice fashion: I have reason to be testy and :
a) bitter
b) tired
c) aching
d) angry
e) sick of winter
f) all of the above

While there is no one correct answer, give yourself an extra 10 points if you chose f).
All I needed was more snow, even if it is only projected to a mere 6-9 inches. Whoever is in charge of snow business, has no business, I know, of imposing their business upon my business.
Sleeping, which should have come easily and quickly due to the copious amount of snow I have been shovelling, has been difficult at best. With a snow shovel hermetically attached to my hands, I have been knocking over the lamp when I try to roll over. I spilled my drink while trying to wash down some fried chicken at the dinner table last night. Without saying, and without going into any detail, going to the bathroom has not been performed gracefully.
Having already lost work on Monday, because of the aftermath of the blizzard, I am faced today, Wednesday, with the same fate. I have been sentenced to the labor force on Saturday. I hate working on weekends! Have I mentioned that I also hate winter in New England? Consider this the refrain: take the multiple choice quiz above again. Collect the bonus 10 points if you chose f) again.
Very good. You have done well on that test, considering you haven't had a chance to study.
I did manage to dig out my yard signs, which had been buried in the initial storm. They are now on display to any passers by. Curious however, that there have been no takers or inquiries. The first sign, standing prominently in a snow bank above the visible tips of my hedges, reads: "FREE SNOW - Help Yourself." Now, if that sign fails to generate business, the second one, in an equally high snow bank on the other side of the yard, could prove fruitful. It temptingly reads: "FREE SNOWMEN -
Some Assembly Required."
I know what you are thinking ! You see me as trying to profit from the misfortunes of others affected by the snow. If that wasn't bad enough, you must think that I am also using advertising practices that target children. "Mommy, mommy! Can we stop? Can't we get a snowman?" "Please!" "Why not?" "Daddy would let us get one!" "Waaaaaaaaaah!"
So you have no business, telling me my business is any of your business. I might not be in charge of snow business, but I am making it my business to let snow business be my business.
Want some snow? Need a snowman?

Like I said before, there is snow business like snow business, like no business I know.

For more takes on winter check out
No. 7


Jude Allen said...

Now this is a good post. They keep getting better and better. Makes me re-think my position as snow being great! lol!

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