Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Echoes of Eddie -22

Can a dead man reach out from the grave to exact revenge against those responsible for his death? Welcome to the twenty-second installment of a story that explores that possibility. If you've not done so, read the story from the beginning HERE.

She shivered as she saw the first flakes of snow falling. Agnes Nolan drew the collar of her sweater tight against her neck. It was much colder than she had anticipated. She should not have ventured out into the night.

It was Sam's telephone call that had prompted her to go to that cursed place. It wasn't that he'd told her that Brad Sampson had become another name on the growing list of tragic deaths that had troubled her. She had felt no sorrow that those kids were dying, because all of them had been there the night her son Eddie had died. Both time and guilt had hardened her heart.

When Sam said that the Jameson man was going up there to open Eddie's grave she was horrified. She could not, would not stand by and let her son's grave be defiled.

She stood unseen in the shadows and watched as her estranged husband stood by the mounds of earth that once filled the grave. He was looking around in all directions. Did he sense that he was being watched?


Catherine had felt compelled to walk in the direction of the cemetery while Marjorie and David headed to the large clearing which abutted the old quarry. She gasped when she saw that the grave had been disturbed. There had been movement within the earthen cavity.

She stared in wonder at the two figures. Dobbs, who she knew was actually Samuel Nolan, was standing over the grave site with the shovel in his hand. About twenty yards away, in the shadows of the trees Agnes Nolan was also watching the man.

That the three of them would be there at the same time at that foreboding place must have been some cruel twist of fate. The three of them, who were were so intrinsically linked by he sins of one past, were seemingly being drawn together again by the sins of another past. Were those sins of the two pasts about to be atoned by sins of the present?


Tiffany's revelation was not what Jack so desperately wanted to hear. He was certain that she was finally going to tell him that he and not Hunter was little Billy's biological father. Although he'd never pressured her about it, he had long suspected it to be so.

The words he'd anticipated however, were not forthcoming. Yet, the words she did utter evoked emotions and memories the two of them would rather have remained suppressed.

"Jack, Hunter is on his way to the cemetery. He's going to dig up Eddie's body!" she'd exclaimed to him. "We have to stop him!"

Jack was dismayed when they pulled onto the unpaved lot situated below the path leading to the crest of the hill. Not only was Hunter's car sitting there, but on either side of it were two others. One belonged to Marjorie Nolan. The other was the one that the tow truck driver Dobbs usually drove.

More disconcerting, however, was the third vehicle, an old unregistered Pontiac. It had been parked next a row of uncleared brush, its driver-side door standing open. The worried looked their faces were sharing expressed the same question, "Why was Agnes Nolan there?"

It was with urgent resolve they found themselves struggling to climb the path. It wasn't lost in their troubled thoughts that others, others who were not supposed to be there were already on the scene. Jack was as equally troubled by the fact that the one car that should have been there, that of his brother Steve, was noticeably missing.


Steve watched Catherine as she left the hospital and climbed into the backseat of the car. As he'd expected Marjorie and David were in the front seat. At that distance he couldn't make out the young man's face. It was troubling to think that he would become a part of whatever might occur up on that hill. They would be on their way to quarry and he would arrive a few minutes behind them. He closed his eyes and rubbed his throbbing temples.

He was standing before an unattended grave. He was alone in a cemetery which sat upon a knoll overlooking the wooden post that marked the city limits of his hometown. He knelt before the grave and gazed upon the lettering etched into the marble headstone: Edward Nolan - Jan.12,1980-Dec.29, 1997.

"Eddie, please forgive me. I'm so sorry I didn't try to help you!" he exclaimed as he fought back the tears welling in the corner of each eye. Above him a howling wind that seemingly had been summoned by unseen forces, tore across the foreboding graveyard. Dead branches in dead trees creaked in a mournful dirge.

He reached out and placed a trembling hand upon the cold marble of Eddie's stone. He tried to speak again, to beg forgiveness again, but the words were caught in his throat. His eyes widened at first in wonder as bits of earth upon the grave seemed to move. The wonder became fear as larger clumps of earth fell to the sides of a rising mound in the center of the grave.

Fear gave way to terror when a skeletal hand, bits of rotting flesh clinging tenuously to it, suddenly burst free from the earth. Bony fingers latched onto his arm and began to pull him. A silent scream froze within his chest.

He realized he had nothing to dread. Some inner voice gave him cause to relax and to do what must be done. It was with frantic purpose he began to claw at the earthen mound.
His eyes opened with a start. Momentarily confused he looked about just in time to catch sight of the disappearing tail lights of Marjorie's car. The recurrence of the dream, for the first time had not left him terrified but had given him a sense of inner peace. Soon the major players, with the minor cast having been eliminated, would be united on the stage where it had all begun so many years before.


It had been a near traumatic experience to meet David face to face again. She'd hoped he wouldn't sense the resentment she'd felt for him. She had prayed that the resentment would no longer be present. She had to remind herself that it wasn't his fault. He didn't asked to be born when he was. He hadn't chosen to become the baby of the family. Yet, his arrival had stripped her of that favored standing.

Catherine raised a finger to her cheek to intercept a tear drop that had crept from her eye. She knew in her heart that it wasn't really David she hated. No, her resentment should have been forged into anger and it should have been directed at her father. She shook her head and clinched her fists that fate had intervened and spared the son of a bitch. The coward had taken the easy way out and had hanged himself.

After that night never again did he raise his fists in anger at anyone in the house. Never again did his angry voice shatter the peace of their home. She shuddered trying to hold back the threatening tears. Although the pain and the shame were still pent up within her thirteen years later, she was able to take solace in knowing that he would never sneak into her bedroom again. He would never again touch her.


"Perhaps it was a bad idea," Dobbs whispered to himself. "Maybe I shouldn't have arranged for everyone to be together in one place."

He glanced into the depths of the grave at the unmoving body. It was with a contrived measure of remorse he paid respect to the man. "You've been nothing but an asshole, Hunter, but you weren't supposed to die. None of you were supposed to have died."

The deaths were troubling. He himself had planted the seed of the presence a ghost with his tale of the floating blue object. His story, combined with the ad that had appeared in the paper, had been enough to spook everyone who had been at the quarry that night. That was their intention. Then there were the accidents! They had all occurred in such a relative short period of time ... two days. It didn't seem possible that they could have all been coincidental, and yet, there was no evidence to suggest otherwise.

His partner and fellow mastermind seemed to be dealing with the unexpected deaths with a show of passive indifference. When they had met five years before he had been reluctant to dredge up the memories of that night. Given the chance to get even with them was tempting, but to also let the truth of that night be known was something he couldn't take lightly.

It wasn't only that truth that worried him. There were the other truths ...

( to be continued.....)

No.1363

Monday, May 26, 2008

Burnt Offerings



Due to family commitments for the Memorial Day holiday weekend, the next installment of "Echoes of Eddie" which would normally appear on Mondays could not be completed in time.

It will appear here at this site tomorrow, (Tuesday) May, 27.



The following has appeared at so many sites across the web, that it is practically impossible to credit the original source. I have added a few cartoons in attempt to make my act of piracy seem a little less obvious.

We are about to enter the summer and BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it's the only type of cooking a 'real' man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine...

(1) The woman buys the food.

(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.

(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

Here comes the important part:

(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine....

(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.


(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

Important again:

(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine....

(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.

(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:

(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.

(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women....

How come one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a barbecue?



No.1362

Sunday, May 25, 2008

A Bad American

Today I am passing on a couple of items I received in a recent e-mail.

I am a BAD American.

I Am Your Worst Nightmare.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary, be it Democratic or Republican!

I believe that owning a gun doesn’t make you a killer, I believe it makes you a smart American.

I believe that being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, do it in English.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.

I don’t hate the rich. I don’t pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don’t waste my time watching or arguing about it.

I’ve never owned a slave, or was a slave, and I WILL NOT pay reparations for something that I didn’t do.

I haven’t burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut up already.

This is AMERICA, I believe if you don’t like the way things are here, go back to where you came from and change your own country!

I want to know which church it is exactly, where the Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you’re running from them, because if you’re not guilty, WHY are you running?

I also think the cops have the right to pull you over if you’re breaking the law, regardless of what color you are, that’s the job we’re paying them to do.

And, no, I don’t mind having my face shown on my drivers license. I think it’s good, it lets you know it’s really me.

I’m proud that the word ’God’ is written on my money.

I believe that if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don’t want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me stuff or trying to guilt me into making ‘donations’ to their cause.

I believe that it doesn’t take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.

I believe ‘illegal’ is illegal no matter what the law makers think.

I believe the American flag should be the only one allowed to fly over American soil! If you want to fly the flag of YOUR nation at the top of a flag pole, by all means, do so, IN YOUR OWN NATION! And if the American flag is NOT your flag, then this is NOT your nation!

If this makes me a BAD American or causes you to classify me as a racist, then yes, I’m a BAD American and a racist.

If you’re a BAD American, if you share the same feelings and beliefs that I do, please, copy and post this on your web site for everyone to see.

We want our country back! GOD BLESS AMERICA!

AMEN.


Two Rednecks Enlist in the Air Force

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited.

As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a sanitary waste truck walked up to them. The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself.

He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"

The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"

The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, "Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!"

The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asked, "What skills to you bring to the Air Force?"

The young man says, "I chop wood!"

"Son," the general replies, "we don't need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?"

"I chop wood!"

"Young man," huffs the general, "you are not listening to me, we don't need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!"

"Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!"

"Of course we did," says the general, "he's a pilot!"

The young man rolls his eyes and says, "So what! I have to chop it before he can pile it!"

No.1361

Saturday, May 24, 2008

What is Memorial Day?


While I enjoy a three day weekend as much as the next person, I wonder whether or not it is a good thing. We observe our holidays on a Monday instead of their calendar dates so that we can enjoy those long weekends. However, I'm afraid that it's an unfounded theory.

Allow me to qualify that by stating that only some of us actually get to enjoy three days away from work. There are many who have to work, not only on the holidays, but Sundays as well.

Those holidays that have been transplanted to Mondays are for the most part becoming, if they aren't already, generic and transparent. Their transparency lying in that their significance have become lost. Some people, the youth of today in particular, have become clueless as to what the holidays represent.

1st man: "Got any plans for Memorial Day weekend?"
2nd man: "Sure. Gonna fire up the barbecue and cook up some steak tips, burgers, hot dogs and kielbasa. Got a couple cases of brewskies on ice now."
1st man:"Same here."
2nd man: "Memorial Day is a great Holiday, isn't it?"
1st man:"You bet."
3rd man:"Aren't you going to visit the cemetery?"
2nd man: "???"
1st man: "???"
Of course, the first and second men knew the meaning of Memorial Day, but couldn't remembering celebrating it in its true spirit. Well, if they don't recognize the significance of the day and practice it, how then will their children learn the meaning of the day?



When I handed a copy of the editorial cartoon that opens this post to a friend, she said it was tasteless! She wanted to know why anyone would want to show such disrespect for dead American soldiers by arranging coffins to spell out "Memorial Day"?

I couldn't convince her that the cartoon was not meant to be disrespectful, but rather it was reminder, albeit a grim reminder, that we should honor those men and women who have given their lives to defend our country.


She couldn't see, or didn't want to see the editorial message in the image. I saw it, after all I was a Vietnam-Era veteran. I found it ironic that she too was a veteran, having served as a nurse in the Korean conflict.










Yes, I know that the cartoonist's message was that we need to remember and honor those who have died and those who now fight for our freedom.

Any nation that does not honor
its heroes will not long endure.

- Abraham Lincoln

No.1360

Friday, May 23, 2008

Will Rogers Never Met Ted Kennedy


"What a nightmare I had last night. I dreamt that I was a Washington party and I had to choose between Dick Cheney taking me on a hunting trip or Ted Kennedy driving me home." - Jay Leno

Edward "Shamu" Kennedy was rushed to the Mass General Hospital this past weekend after suffering from a seizure. After tests were conducted it was determined that he had a malignant glioma of the brain. It is the deadliest of brain cancers from which few have survived for more than three years.

I don't wish any suffering upon the portly Senator from Massachusetts, but I cannot understand the almost godlike esteem given the man. I can see why there was concern about the news of the cancer. I felt the same way. I don't how the news of him being rushed to the hospital was received across the country, but it was down right pathetic here in Massachusetts. It was this and not the public's reaction to the news of his cancer that bothered me.

Nearly all of the local stations' programs were interrupted for the non-stop all day coverage of his admittance into the hospital. I had only seen that kind of reaction to a news story during the Sept. 11 attacks on the WTC and Pentagon.

If I hadn't known better, I would have thought a great man or a member of a royal family had died! ... But it was ONLY a Senator. ...It was ONLY Ted Kennedy. To make matters worse he'd collapsed while preparing food for himself.

The reporters were praising his accomplishments as a U.S. Senator. They were quick to cite all the bills that bore his finger prints - and they were notable bills. I noticed however, they made no mention of the bills bearing his foot prints - those he'd voted against because they served the interests of the common folk and not him. In number those he gave the thumbs down to were more numerous than those he supported.

Most recent of these are the measures to erect wind mills out in the ocean to help generate electricity and to ease the burden on oil. Why would he vote against such measures? Why, it would mess up his view of the ocean from his back porch at his palatial estate. He would be able to see them, never mind that they would be just specks on the horizon. Imagine the poor old bastard sitting there trying to enjoy his fresh lobster washed down with his 10 am cocktails and having to look at those eyesores!

How about that $8 million book deal?

The editor-in-chief of "Twelve," which will publish Teddie's memoirs, said of the Senator, "Mr. Kennedy is 'walking, talking history'.."
(Gives new meaning to "Money talks and bullshit walks," doesn't it?)

The Working Title:

Other possible titles include: "A Bridge Too Far" - "Driving Miss Kopechne" - "Splash" - "Wrong Turn" - "Bridge Over Troubled Waters" - "Driveby Drowning" - "Guide to the Bars of New England and Washington, D.C." - "Tryst and Shout" -

You can bet that Teddy’s “autobiography” will either ignore or gloss over his extramarital affairs, Mary Jo’s murder, his drunkenness, his cheating in college, and how Mary Jo’s death led to his father’s death. To do so would require a level of honesty and character forever out of his reach.

Random Closing Thoughts

From the movie Animal House, I can imagine that Dean Vernon Wormer was not speaking to Flounder, but to (Shamu) Ted, when he said, "...Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life." (Except if you happened to be a Kennedy.)

If you or I had been behind the wheel of that car in Chappaquiddick and had acted in the same manner, we'd still be in jail to this very day!

All he got was a slap on the wrist and forfeiture of his drivers license for a year!

Did old man Joseph P. see his chance for a Presidential son dashed again and thus lost his will to live?

How kinder to history it might have been had Rose Kennedy been sterile!

Is it any wonder that Joan was an alcoholic?

His deeds and antics are history. Why do we need his autobiography anyway?

Could someone please find Robert Byrd's walker and point in him the direction of the nursing home?

No.1359

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Ass-imilate These


We all know those cute little computer symbols called 'emoticons,' where...

:) - means a smile

:( - is a frown

Sometimes these are represented by

- :-)

- :-(



Well, how about some 'ASSICONS?'


(_!_) a regular ass

(__!__) a fat ass

(_Y_) a plumber's ass

(!) a tight ass

(_*_) a sore ass

{_!_} a swishy ass

(_o_) an ass that's been around

(_0_) an ass that's really been around

(_x_) kiss my ass

(_X_) leave my ass alone

(_<>_) patient's ass at Proctologist appointment

(_zzz_) a tired ass

(_E=mc2_) a smart ass

(_$_) money coming out of ass

(_?_) dumb ass

(_Q_) ass with a Klingon


Then there are BOOBICONS.


(o)(o) perfect breasts

( + )( + ) fake silicone breasts

(*)(*) high nipple breasts

(@)(@) big nipple breasts

oo A cups

{ O }{ O } D cups

()() cold breasts

(o)(O) lopsided breasts

(Q)(O) pierced breasts

(p)(p) hanging tassels breasts

(:o)(o) bitten by a vampire breasts

\o/\o/ Grandma's breasts

( - )( - ) flat against the shower door breasts

<><> electric shock breasts

|o||o| android breasts

(/)(o) scratched breasts (ouch)

(%)(o) extra nipple breasts (like Chandler)

($)($) Jenny McCarthy's breasts

(^o)(o) zit on your breast

( o Y o ) poses for SCORE magazine breasts

( ~ )( o ) pinched nipple breast

/o\/o\ Madonna's breasts

Gals if you want Peni-cons they are for sale

HERE:



No.1358

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The Bare Necessities

Tonight was a late night at work. Still a little tired from the baseball game last night, the noggin seems to be a little short of ideas. So here's a few jokes and toons on the subject of nudity - the barest of necessities.

A Bird In Hand

There was a guy sunbathing in the nude on a beach. He saw a little girl coming toward him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading.

The girl came up toward him and asked, "What do you have under the newspaper?"

Thinking quickly, the guy replied. "A bird."

The girl walked away, and the guy fell asleep. When he awoke, he was in tremendous pain and ended up in hospital. The police asked him what happend.

The guy says, "I dont know. I was lying on the beach, and this little girl asked me a question, I guess I dozed off and the next thing I know I'm here"

The police went to the beach found the little girl and asked her "What did you do to that man?"

After a pause the little girl replied, "To him? Nothing. I was playing with his bird and it spit on me. So, I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire!"

Parents and Son on a Nude Beach

Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says, "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!"

The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later, he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!"

The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." Once again the son goes back to play.

A short time later, he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw, and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"

A Call to Fire Department:

Send someone over quickly!" the old woman screamed into the phone. "Two naked bikers are climbing up toward my bedroom window!"

"This is the Fire Department, lady," the voice replied. "I'll have to transfer you to the Police Department."

"No, it's YOU I want!" she yelled. "They need a longer ladder!"


Got Milk?

To prepare for his big date, a young man went to the rooftop of his apartment to work on his tan. Not wanting any tan lines, he sunbathed in the nude but fell asleep and burned his penis.

Not wanting to miss out on his date with the hot blonde, he applied some ointment to his manhood and wrapped it in gauze. The blonde showed up at his apartment and after dinner they went into the living room to watch a movie.

During the movie, the young man's sunburn began to hurt. After several minutes of extreme discomfort, he asked to be excused.

A friend had told him that milk was very effective in reducing sunburn pain. So he went to the kitchen, poured a tall glass of cold milk, and placed his sunburned member into the milk. He experienced immediate relief.

The blonde, wondering what the young man was doing, wandered into the kitchen and found him with his shaft fully immersed in the glass of milk. With a look of understanding the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you load those things!"

Shooting From the Hip

A guy starts talking to two blondes in a bar. They turn out to be Siamese twins, connected at the hip, and they wind up back at his apartment.

He makes love to one, and then starts to work on the other. He thinks the first one might get bored watching, so he asks her what she'd like to do.

She says, "Is that a trombone in the corner? I'd love to play your trombone!"

So she plays it while he makes love to her sister.

A few weeks later, the girls are walking past his apartment building. One of the girls says, "Let's stop up and see that guy."

The other girl says, "Gee ... do you think he'll remember us?"

But Was It Good?


As a newlywed couple was checking into the hotel for their
honeymoon, another couple at the desk offered to show them around the
town that night. Thanking them for the kind offer, the bridegroom
explained that it was their wedding night and that they'd prefer to
take a rain check.

When the second couple came down to breakfast the next morning
they were astonished to catch sight of the groom in the hotel bar
apparently drowning his sorrows. "Why you should be the happiest
man in the world today," they said coming over to him.

"Yesterday I was," said the man mournfully. "But this morning, without
realizing it, I put three ten dollar bills on the pillow and got up
to get dressed."

"Hey, cheer up, she probably didn't even notice."

"That's the problem," the groom went on. "Without even thinking,
she gave me five dollars change!"

No.1357