Friday, February 10, 2006
Bush: Look, Burns. All you have to do is send your man Homer Simpson over there with all your nucler ... er nukeyer .. er knuckle .. er ATOMIC waste and dump it in the Euphrates.
....Then my troops "find" it and we announce we have found the WMD.
....Of course you will get ah, umm ...a substantial contract awarded to your plant.
Burns: Bush, heh heh ... you strike a hard bargain.
Bush: While we are discussing ... business ... Do you think you could find an opening at your place for Dick Cheney? He has been an embarassment of sorts to my Presidency.
Burns: I know just what you mean, George. Looks like you have your own Homer Simpson, eh? I suppose I could put him in charge of the vending machines. He seems to have a knack for making a profit on food, doesn't he?
Bush: I'll throw in Condoleeza Rice. I realize I'm offering you my dregs, but I'm desperate here.
Burns: Hmm ... She could learn some hair styling tips from Marge Simpson. Then I could make her my personal secretary. She was a way of slinging bullshit that I like in a woman.
Bush: True! But when she opens her mouth and speaks she even makes me look good.
Burns: Hey, Bush! Did you use to sell used cars? I'm getting screwed here! You take Simpson and we got a deal!
Bush: Hmm ... That figures. I break even on Vice President.
Burns: So who's gonna replace Ms. Porcupine? Who'll take her place to make you look good?
Bush: Already got her lined up. Here check out this picture of her in a bikini. She's Freda E. Newman, Alfred's sister.
Burns: Wow! She would even make me look good!
Bush: Of course, I'd have to throw a flag over her head and do it for my country.
Burns: Whew. Talk about sacrifices! That would rank right up there with Nathan Hale.
Bush: ...And with Monica Lewinski! Heh heh. That was one hard-up girl.
Burns: Don't tell anyone I told you this ... But little Bart Simpson tagged her too.
Bush: Heh heh. I guess he was hard-up too.
Burns: Psst ... You got any pictures of Laura nekkid?
Bush: No, I'm afraid not.
Burns: Wanna buy some?
Bush: Nah. If I beg long and hard enough, shell let me see her in her underwear.
Burns: Be still my heart! NO peeks at Bush bush, there Georgie?
Bush: Well, sometimes she lets me play in the yard.
Burns: You should try it in the bed sometime. Say, I'll bet you didn't know that Marge Simpson is a REAL blue head!
Bush: So Burnsie, just what is it that you like in a woman anyway?
Burns: Me! What else?
Bush: Well, if you'll excuse me, I gotta find somebody who can spell to write up my speech to announce your new multi-billion dollar contract.
Burns: Then you better find a Democrat. They don't know shit, but at least they can spell it.
Bush: Hey!? What's this contract gonna be for anyway?
Burns: Burns' GPS.
Bush: We already have Global Positioning Systems.
Burns: No. Not Global Position. GUANO Position Systems. It's for those times that the vultures shit on the soldier's maps when they are out in the middle of the desert. They can blast the sombitches outta the air before they get a chance to drop their turds.
Burns: (Sigh!) Just what I need - a President auditioning for a beer commercial!
Curmudgeon responsible for this post: Hale McKay at 8:54 PM