Monday, March 01, 2010

In the Year 102,010 A.D.

I have often admired the works of historians. It must be quite a difficult and yet satisfying undertaking to record history and to maintain the correct perspective into how the past shapes the world of the present as we know it.

It is with equal pride and vigor that I have decided to tackle such a project. What follows is a comprehensive study of our world's history, evolution and a disturbance in the space-time continuum. It is a must read for everyone and their children. We must not forget the mistakes of the past, or the future, lest we allow history to repeat itself.

Day: August 1
Year: 102,010

Thesis Draft:
WORLD HISTORY

by Anita Mann

Title:___?___

Due to the preponderance of 1000 centuries of accumulated material I've had to pore through, I have determined that it will be necessary to defer the title to a later date.

Synopsis: In the aftermath of WW LVI mankind has finally managed to achieve a technological equivalency to that prevalent during the late twentieth and early twenty-first centuries. It is ironic to discover that the dismal state of our planet can be traced directly to events of one hundred thousand years ago.

First Millennium A.D., 2000-2010
How Mistakes Then Are Destroying Our World Now

I find it perplexing to live in a world where they can put Starbucks and Taco Bell franchises on the moons of Jupiter, but a woman still cannot buy a comfortable bra. It's amazing to think that at one time mankind was plagued with all sorts of maladies, hunger, greed and wars, and yet, there is still a battle for equality between the women and the men of our planet's society.

Because the male of our species was unable to bring peace and harmony to the world, women officially became the superior sex in the year 92,000 A.D. The planet has been without war now for over ten thousand years. Many of our women leaders, myself included, fear that the male uprisings for equality may lead to yet another world war.

It must be some latent primal instinct eating away at the male psyche that drives them to think that they should be the providers, the decision makers, and most alarming of all that it should be the women and not the men who stay home barefoot, naked and pregnant!

My sisters worldwide are appalled at their inane demands. They are particularly horrified at the audacity of these males to think that women should be the repositories and they the progenitors. Females are quick to point out to the males the functions of their respective organs of reproduction. It is physically impossible for women to become impregnated and thus give birth. Of course, knowledge of human physiology bears this out to be fact.

Evolution

Evolution of the human species took that drastic turn about fifty thousand years ago. Many female historians have conveniently chosen to ignore this Darwinian anomaly. Some claim that the history books were edited and altered by men to justify their current demands for equality. Myself, I do not subscribe to that line of thinking. It is the classic division of creationists vs. evolutionists; the pitting of those who follow the theology of La OGRE and those adherents of Charles Darwin.

Anthropological studies however, have determined that at one time, it was indeed the female of the species that bore children. Several millenia ago the reproductive systems of humans were quite different, in fact they functioned in an antipodal manner as those of today. The male penis was inserted into the female vagina for the purpose of depositing spermatozoic ejecta into the womb, which in turn would seek out and fertilize the egg. The female would then bear the child in her womb from conception to its birth approximately nine months later.

(I am fascinated by reports that the process was supposedly pleasurable for one or both of the participants during that reproductive exercise. I doubt the validity of recorded accounts that claim that the mating process sometimes lasted two minutes or longer! Oh, that such a thing were possible! I would speculate that such claims were probably a result of the aforementioned altered editing and enhancement by a male historian.)

Of course, the mechanics of reproduction today are quite different. The female vagina is slipped over and onto the male penis. The penis then uses a method of siphoning to draw the female egg into it to be deposited into a sac of sperm. The egg is then fertilized in the male testicles for a period of nine weeks. At the end of that term an incision is made to remove the fetus, about the size of a fingernail, for transferral into laboratory birthing kilns.

The males are like big babies. They incessantly complain about the discomfort of their swelling testicles which in turn causes abdominal swelling also. Of course, they also complain of intense pain during the delivery process and the subsequent soreness while they recover.

I digress getting into a discussion of reproduction, a process that is taught in elementary schools as a mandatory course. I chose that path of discourse to underscore the process of evolution and how it affects human development and likewise, human history.

Although it took fifty thousand years for humanity to reach the current development of our reproduction systems, it was actually triggered by events that occurred still another fifty thousand years earlier. The closest that I can estimate when those events in question might have happened would be somewhere between the year 2000 and 2008, A.D., give or take a decade or so.

The Ministry of La Ogre

There has been much debate over the origins of the Prophet, La Ogre. I find myself in the corner with those who question whether or not this man, while living was a religious leader. It seems plausible to me that he was actually an embittered politician.

His teachings, according to religious historians, centered on the theme of being one with the planet; that mankind should not ravage the planet of its resources for his benefit.

In life he was ridiculed and was the brunt of jokes. In death, he was all but forgotten until humanity faced the Y-10-K crisis. While calendars and computers were reprogrammed and reset all the world to handle years with 5 digits, the words of LA Ogre began to resurface. So it was that in the year 10,000 A.D., fanatics began to embrace his faith.

The faith, by then known as The Supreme Green Order of La Ogre, would in time displace nearly every religious faction on earth. The only major religions to survive its advance were the Lunar Church of the Latter Day Saints and the Martian Muslims of the New Mecca. The world would be plagued over the next twenty centuries by no less than fifteen World Wars all in the name of religious reform as one church after another tried to establish itself as the one and only theistic power.

The Purging of the Human Race

Evolution is a process in which life forms change and adapt to changes in environment in order to survive, or to become extinct in failing to adapt. That process usually occurs over periods of millions of years before those adaptations become apparent.

Inexplicably, there were two major adaptations of the human race that transpired in two separate periods of time, each only ten thousand years in duration.

The first of these occurred during a span of time somewhere between 12,000 and 22,000 A.D. That era of evolutionary change has been referred as the The Great Purge. It was a time that witnessed the slow purge of mankind's races into but one composite race. The planet earth had been reduced to a single pure race. In the end, all genetic evidence of previous races were eradicated.

The second and perhaps most significant of mankind's radical evolutionary developments took place, in the best estimates of anthropologists, during the millennium 25,000 through 35,000 A.D. When realized, scientists had first thought that the human race had become sterile. For nearly two thousand years there were no recorded births and it was thought that humans were destined to die out - to become extinct.

From the vast repositories of stored DNA from sperm banks and stem cells, humanity's extinction was put on hold by the science of replication, otherwise known as cloning. The cloned humans, possessing DNA predating the present population, were able to procreate, which for a period of three thousand years prevented the utter extinction of the species Homo Sapiens. However, in time even this new supply of DNA began to suffer from degradation of the genetic material as new genes were not introduced into the pool. As predicted by the scientists, the clones themselves were becoming incapable of reproduction.

Then a remarkable thing happened - babies were being born. Initially it was thought to be anomalous occurrences, perhaps humanity's last ditch efforts to preserve its very existence. Yet, the births continued and became more frequent and widespread. In less than one solar year the population of the earth had doubled!

What made the resurgence of procreation all the more remarkable was the altered methods of conception and delivery. Seventy thousand years later, it is still unexplained or understood how the roles of the male and female in the reproduction process were to become completely reversed.

Disturbances in the Space-Time Continuum

The preceding discussion on the purge of mankind brings me to focus on possible explanations for those two great leaps of evolution in such a short amount of time as measured in geological and epochal terms. Although outlawed in practice, a few scientists study and theorize about possible disturbances in what many claim to be mythical and nonexistent, the space-time continuum.

The leaders in this field of study have determined that in theory, and possibly in practice, attempts to alter or disturb the space-time continuum could either change the events of the future, or create a divergence of two separate time lines. I am fascinated at the possibility of two or more versions of me sitting at my desk typing similar theses.

Yet, it is unsettling to think that history could change even as I am writing this thesis. I suppose it is possible that I have written this report several times as the time line keeps resetting.






~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have often admired the works of historians. It must be quite a difficult and yet satisfying undertaking to record history and to maintain the correct perspective into how the past shapes the world of the present as we know it.

It is with equal pride and vigor that I have decided to tackle such a project. What follows is a comprehensive study of our world's history, evolution and a disturbance in the space-time continuum. It is a must read for everyone and their children. We must not forget the mistakes of the past, or the future, lest we allow history to repeat itself.

Day: August 1
Year: 102,010

Thesis Draft:
WORLD HISTORY

by Anita Mann

Title:___?___

Due to the preponderance of 1000 centuries of accumulated material I've had to pore through, I have determined that it will be necessary to defer the title to a later date.


That's odd! I feel that I had already written some of this thesis, but I just started it. Now that's stranger still.

Why did I jot down La Ogre ? I must have had a dyslexic moment. It should be "Al Gore."

How could I get wrong the name of the infamous man whose beliefs almost caused the extinction of humanity?

1924

8 comments:

Hale McKay said...

An attempt at some allegory.

Jack K. said...

And I thought it was humor. lol

Skunkfeathers said...

What? By that time, I'd expect women's boobs to be self-elevating. Granted, AlGore is doing all possible to set Mankind back to BC.

Sandee said...

La Ogre, Al Gore. Same thing if you ask me.

Hey, this could happen just this way.

Have a terrific day. :)

Hale McKay said...

Jack,

Allegorical humor, maybe?

Hale McKay said...

Skunk,

Hmmm ... I wasn't thinking along those lines. 100,000 years fron now bras will probably be obsolete.

Hale McKay said...

Sandee,

Men reading this, of course would be cringing at the thought of such a process of reproduction.

Hale McKay said...

Trying to be allegorical - - - I just realized that "Al Gore" can be spelled from the letters of allegory.