Friday, February 18, 2005

Cell Phones in History

~ What if cell phones had been developed much earlier in our history? How would history have played out if the famous and the infamous had had access to cell phones? Chances are that it would be a much different world than that which we live in now. If I may, I submit the following scenarios:
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~ "Come here, Watson. I need you." Bell exclaimed into his latest invention. It appeared that the device didn't work. Five minutes later Watson entered the room flipping his cell shut, "Sorry, boss. The wife called to me tell me to pick up some milk and bread on the way home." The hammer in Alexander's hand made short work of the failed invention. (( Most assuredly there would be little or no telephone poles these days. ))
~ "Clyde! Your brother here. You and Bonnie had better take the next left and get off that road. I heard there might be some trouble straight ahead." (( Think of all the ammunition that wouldn't have been wasted. They have gotten another 10,000 miles out of that car. ))
~ "Paul! Pick up, Paul!" yelled the man into his cell phone from the tower of the Old North Church. "Damn! He must have entered that dead spot between Lexington and Concord. Now what was I supposed to do with these lanterns?" (( On the other hand, no one said cell phones were the end all and that they would necessarily improve communications all the time. ))
~ From the cell phone lying next to the body Gen. George Armstrong Custer, was this unanswered voice mail: "General Custer, this headquarters. Proceed to Large Big Horn. Avoid Little Big Horn. There is a large uprising of Indians in that area. Repeat, avoid Little Big Horn!" (( What good is voice mail if you aren't going to use it? ))
~ "Hello?" the tall man said into his Nokia. "Mr. Lincoln," replied the man on the line, "this is your press secretary. You have given complimentary tickets to Our American Cousin. The star, Mr. Booth, has reserved for you the best balcony seats in the house." "Okay, thanks. Do me a favor and cancel the train tickets for that trip." (( With a cell phone you can purchase your own tickets for even sold out shows. Why depend on favors you have to repay someday? ))
~ " (Static)...Earhart...(static)...Turn left to course...(static)...1-8-0...(static)...North by nor...(static)..." "Hello? Hello? Damn! My cell phone just died! I think he said course 0-8-0. Okay, Here we go." (( GPS isn't much good if you cannot keep your cell phone charged. At least a man would have stopped and asked for directions. ))
~ "Mr. Wells, we go on the air in 30 seconds," said the producer. "Just a sec, please. I'd better check this voice mail..." "Orson, this is the station manager I have a change in programming. Since this is Halloween night, use The Legend of Sleepy Hollow routine. Save War of the Worlds for next week." (( Who knows, maybe there still would have been a panic. This time they would be fleeing a headless horseman run amok.))
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~ Yes, the course of history could have taken some strange twists and turns, such that everything we know might not have ever happened. Who Knows? Michael Jackson could have been elected President on his "Thriller Ticket." Ben and Jennifer could have waited for a better script resulting in the two of them winning best actor and actress awards. The Titanic would be a floating restaurant/hotel in Izmir, Turkey. Maybe it would have been the Aztecs who first landed on the moon. Tiny Tim and Miss Vicky might have stayed married and had children. (Shudder) Ellen Degeneres might have been straight. The man who voiced Popeye might have instead voiced Barney. Michael Bolton might have recorded a good song! Nah........!
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~No. 40
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1 comment:

blue said...

LOL point! an ellen degenerate barb, popeye/barney combo, and a micheal bolton jab, all in one joke! lol, wtg!