Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Air Guitar-ing To The Oldies

Perhaps you have heard of us? No? You will! Well, we're one of the hottest bands around! We are The Air Apparent, the avant garde of the next and newest trend in touring bands.
~ You are among the first to see us live on stage. Welcome all of you! Before we start blowing your minds and rocking the ceiling off this place, let me first introduce the band. That's Joe, our lead vocalist at the air-mike. There's Pete on air-base. Back there is Gene on the air-drums. To my left, that handsome devil is Willie on the air-rhythm guitar. Tim is the one who tickles the keys on the air-organ. Bob, on my right is the air-sax player. Me, I am mike, lead air-guitar. And we are The Air Apparent!
~ It is between sets now, so I'll tell you a little bit about us. We all hail from different backgrounds and all work in different fields. Don't worry, for the time being we have all kept our day jobs! For several years all of us have struggled to get this band together. It hasn't been easy juggling family, work and a band. We persevered and practiced our raw talents, eventually fine-tuning ourselves into a legitimate band.
~ All of us at one time or another have endured the embarrassment of getting caught practicing at hoe or at work. Be honest now, how many times have you played some air-guitar? I'll bet there is more than a few out there who play a mean set of air-drums.
~ While some people compare us to lip-synchers, I must take exception to that. Lip-synchers have the music and beat backing them, and all they need to know is when to move their lips. An air-band, on the other hand, must know the chords and rifts on the guitars. The drummer needs to capture the tempo. The organist needs to when to cut in. The hornist must know his cues. Then all of those individual pieces must be synchronized into a fluent rendition of the song. We don't have a scrolling Karaoke monitor prompting us like the lip singers. We need to know all of the elements of the songs we play inside and out.
~ Tonight we are being paid in air-money. This free show is just the first step to stardom. But someday our gigs will be for real money. The crowds will be real. The major recording contract will be real. The garbage will be real. (Poof) Huh?
~ Oh yes. Yes dear. I'll take out the garbage now for real! Yes, right now. What? What am I doing? Er .. ah .. nothing. Nothing at all!

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