Monday, May 30, 2005

Desperate House Flies

~
The recent rains, six consecutive weekends with at least one day of downpours, has had a few positive effects for New Englanders. Obviously the water levels of our reservoirs will be at or near capacity. Lawns will be lush. The last remnants of slat on the side panels of our vehicles and in the streets will be washed away.
~ Not so fortunate is the Musca domestica Linnaeus, or the common house fly. Conspicuously absent because of the rains and cold weather, one can only imagine their frenzied appearance once the temperatures and conditions approach that of spring.
~ Which gives me pause to ponder, where do flies go in the winter months? Do they own time-share property in Florida? It has occurred to me that I have never noticed their exodus during the transition from Autumn to winter. Not once have I seen U-Haul trucks. If they travel en masse in a vee formation like geese, Nova has never aired a program on this phenomenon.
~ Despite some rain last night and possible showers tonight, this Memorial Day weekend promises to be pleasant. The enigma of the flies' vacation habitues was quickly shelved for matters of the moment, particularly yard work.
~ The back yard was alive with lush greenery, bright tulips, and of course dandelions and a smattering of clover. Not to be missed was the sounds of life. The familiar buzz of bees and the chirping birds wafted from all directions. Not to be ignored, there were of course the flies.
~ As was the case when they left for the winter, they had returned unnoticed. Their spring domiciles open, they too were busy with chores. Unlike bees and butterflies, these creatures enjoy the comforts of indoors as well as out. For all our efforts to screen them out, they are no less laborious to invite themselves into our homes.
~ I decided to be the proverbial man on the wall and trespass into their homes and their lives. I started by following a certain fly, just to study his habits. He was a cocky one and apparently well known in Flydom. Every time he came near another male, they would deftly greet with an impressive four-handed set of high fives. He was quite the jokester also. At one point he pointed down at another and said, "Your man is open!" Laughing he flew off, leaving the other shaking his head.
~ Like any young virile male, this one too was on the prowl looking for some females. His multi-faceted eyes taking in everything as he zipped around the yard. It didn't take long for him to spot a pretty one. Well, pretty to a fly anyway. She was sitting on a recent deposit one of my dogs had left behind. He hesitated but a moment before moving into a circling pattern above her. To my amazement, not unlike men, this fly used a clever pick-up line. "Excuse me, miss. Is this stool taken?" She must have been thinking that men are all alike with only one thing on their minds. To her it was the same old shit!
~ Back in my world, I cannot help but reflect upon the life of that fly. Their life expectancy is brief. They can only find shitty work. Everyone gives them shit. And what do they get for supper? Shit! While dealing with all that crap they must find a woman! Like any other male in any species you choose, they have that innate instinct to procreate. Unfortunately they have to dish out and take a lot of shit to accomplish and justify their existence.
~ How do I show my appreciation for that fly's plight? I give him shit of course, with a fly swatter or a newspaper or even fly strips. Such is life for desperate house flies.
~
No.161 >Counter<

1 comment:

schnoodlepooh said...

Too funny! I can totally relate. When I go outside to do my "pooper scooper" duty, the flies are all over the place. I feel like I have the shitty job of destroying their pleasant little hangout, but there's always more poop and always more flies! That is my chore for this morning! Oh NO!