Monday, July 11, 2005
Prince Charles, angry after being chastised for the hundredth time by his mother for his selection of a second wife, slammed the door of his car. Flooring it, he burned rubber and tore up the driveway toward the main gate of the Queen's estate. A small dog ran onto the pavement in front of him. He couldn't stop in time and struck the hapless animal, killing it instantly. He jumped out of his car and was horrified to learn he had run over his mother's favorite dog.
....He sunk down onto the grass, distraught. He wasn't exactly in the best graces with her as it was, how was he going to explain this? A smile crept onto his face, he could blame it on those pain-in-the-ass papparazzi! He felt something in the grass next to him. There was something partially buried in the yard. After he had dug it up, he saw that it looked like some kind of old lamp.
....There was an inscription, but it was covered in soil. As he was rubbing the object, there arose a large volume of blue smoke. Within the smoke he could make out a form. A genie suddenly appeared looming over him.
...."You have set me free after a thousand years of captivity," said the genie. "As your reward, I will grant you one wish."
...."Only one wish?" Charles asked.
...."New union rules," answered the genie. "Because of the high price of granting wishes, we have been forced to cut back. You won't believe how expensive it is for the smoke effects. It was either we reduce our expenses or there would have been some layoffs."
...."I know what you mean," said Charles, "You wouldn't believe how expensive it is for the country to support our Royal family."
...."Okay," the genie said, "What is it you would wish for? A better way of life for the British people?"
...."No way!" exclaimed the prince. "I have bigger problems than our subjects. I have all the things I need, but I just killed the Queen's dog. Is there a way you can bring it back to life?"
....The genie looked at the canine corpse and said, "I'm sorry, the dog is too mutilated to bring back to life. Is there something else you would like? Smaller ears, maybe? Or perhaps a personality?"
....The prince thought for a few minutes, reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. From this he produced two photographs. "I was married to this beautiful woman named Diana," Charles said extending the first photo to the genie. "The whole country loved her. But we divorced and then she died."
...."You want me to bring her back to life?" inquired the genie.
...."Heavens no!" replied Charles. "A few months ago, I married this woman, Camilla," he continued. "Camilla isn't the beauty Diana was, and everyone hates her!"
...."Hell, all this time in the grave," the genie said, "Diana still looks better!"
....Ignoring the genies remark he asked, "Do you think you can make Camilla as beautiful as Diana?"
....The genie studied the two photographs intently and after a few minutes said, "I tell you what, let's have another look at that dog!"
Curmudgeon responsible for this post: Hale McKay at 8:49 PM