Mr. Bloggers' Neighborhood

Good morning, kids! Welcome to my neighborhood. How are you today? That's nice. Excuse me while I hang up this ratty old sweater. Can you say cardigan? President Jimmy Carter wore cardigans, so my producers thought it would be nice if I wore one too. What's that? You don't like Jimmy Carter? Well, neither do I -- but I do like peanuts. Don't you? Peanuts are good for you.

Excuse me one more time, while I go to the closet and get out of these sneakers and put on my flip-flops. Do you see that picture down below? That's how I dress when I write this crap ... er ... Stuff for this program. I have some other pictures of me at work, but those are, well, for the older kids.

It's going to be a busy day in Mr. Bloggers' Neighborhood today. I have a lot of wonderful things for us to do today. I have a lot of friends who are going to visit us today from the neighborhood. We might see King Deep-Fryday and Queen Sara-Lee too. Won't that be exciting? What's that? Oh no, they aren't divorced. That scandal is still be investigated. So you mustn't worry your sweet little hearts about his pedophile charges. Also, I sure it is not true about the Queen and the soccer team.

Oh, look up there in our fake tree. It's Ex-Owl! You know he used to be a real live owl, don't you? Yes, that was our highest rated show when we had Mr. Taxidermist stuff him. Kids, you can own your own DVD of that show if you ask your parents to pledge $250 to PBS.

What's that? Where's the trolley? Oh yes, the trolley! Well, you see Mr. Bloggers likes to grownup things when he isn't entertaining you little brats ... er ... Kids out there. Anyway, I was celebrating with some cheap ... er ... Nice wine with a good friend of mine, Miss Bubbles, last night. She has this nice long whip ... Well, she accidentally knocked the trolley off its tracks. I'm afraid it's broken. Now don't worry, because Mr. Mechanic is fixing it up as good as new. Can you say Duct tape? We should do a program on how Duct tape is made. What's that? What was Miss Bubbles doing with a whip? Well, let's talk about that some other time. Kids, Mr. Bloggers has a big favor to ask of you. Please don't mention Miss Bubbles and her whip to Mrs. Bloggers.

We were going to visit with the young Prince today. But it seems he broke his leg last night. How, you ask? Oh, it seems that my friend Bubbles ... Miss Bubbles visited him last night too. She used her whip in his Palace room, and somehow it got wrapped around his leg and he fell. Yes, just like the trolley. Anyway, don't worry. He is fine and we will see him soon, I'm sure. Mr. Policeman said he could come home after the King and Queen post his bail!

Excuse me, kids. There's someone at the door. I wonder who has come to visit us here at Mr. Bloggers' Neighborhood? Why, it's Mr. FBI Agent! Can you say the Feds? Look at the nice shiny handcuffs they are trying on my wrists! Don't you wish you could play this game too?

That's all the time we have for today, kids. Now, I have one more favor to ask all of you. Ask your parents to send money to my program for my bail. Trust Mr. Bloggers, those pictures of you kids in your birthday suits on my computer are not really pornography. We all know that is art ... Don't we? Well, don't we? Goodbye for now kids. Tune in next week and I'll take you on a tour of Mr. Bloggers' New Neighborhood. Can you say, San Quentin?

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