Shower For The Bride, Curtains For The Groom

Gretchen & Scott

October 9 is fast approaching. That's the date my daughter and her fiance, Scott walk the aisle. That's the day I give her away.
....Like the old cliche', my wife and I will not be losing a daughter, we will be gaining a son. She has chosen a very good man. I may be prejudiced, but he has chosen a good woman.

Shower For The Bride, Curtains For The Groom

Don't get me wrong, marriage is a wonderful institution. It really doesn't take long to get used to the straight-jacket, and they are one-size-fits-all. Your new addition to the house, which will be your den, will look great with the state-of-the-art padding on the walls. In time, you forget that there is an electronic bracelet around your ankle. (Heck, even Martha Stewart figured out how to remove one.) On nice days it is especially gratifying to putter around in your yard. While the collar isn't very comfortable, you'll get used to it also, that invisible fence gives the appearance of freedom. People walking by will tend to stay on the other side of the street when they pass by. It will probably be because of that sign by the driveway: Beware of Doug!

The above is part of a stand-up comedian's routine which I have paraphrased. I didn't catch the name of the comedian. I was flipping through the channels during a pitching change in a Red Sox baseball game. The Red Sox had just chased the White Sox' Mark Buerle from the game. I landed on Comedy Central and caught part of his routine. I didn't see either the beginning or the end of his act, but I decided that he needed a new schtick. That material about oppressed husbands is hardly fresh or original. Henny Youngman put a lot of miles on that material a long time ago.

I'd be remiss if I didn't give Gary Larsen his due credit for the "Beware of Doug" sign idea. The comedian apparently didn't feel so obligated to pay homage to The Far Side comic strip.

Scott and Gretchen, when you read this, if you read it, I am just poking some fun at your expense.

Readers, when and if you read this, I meant every word of it! (Just don't tell the kids.)

NO.272