Saturday, September 24, 2005

Gullible's Travels

I have settled down at long last on this autumn evening to catch up on some light reading. I have before me what I perceive to be a soon-to-be classic of American literature. The author, an erstwhile scion of the master of satire, Jonathan Swift, has himself set upon recording his own travels.

Jonathan (Ol' Hoss) Swifty takes us, the readers along on his Travels Into Several Not So Remote Blogs Of The World. One cannot help but see him as the giant Brobdingnagian and us as the Lilliputians. He sends us into a fascinating world which we are wont to know existed.

His blog roll is a virtual list of who's that? Only after we touch upon the soil of those sites with him, do we realize that they are actually us. It is we who live in his stories, and it is he who visits them. We are the strange, and yet, wonderful people that fuels the humor he exudes.

So won't you join me on his little boat for a three hour tour ... A three hour tour. If not for the courage of the skipper and his little buddies, the Minnow would be lost... The Minnow would be lost. Above us on the mast, the lookout keeps alert eyes on the horizon.

His circuitous route takes us to wondrous and exotic places. At one port of call, we learn of a woman's doctor who is a woman who was a man. No, Hoss, we had no evil thoughts. In Missouri, we see a home-school mom, before we are whisked eastward to Virginia. There we meet a mom with a trickster of a son. In Tennessee we are confronted with a therapist who lives on a farm.

We then take a 260 degree turn North onto Wisconsin. While enroute to the Dairy State, our captain partakes of some double chocolate stout. It has become apparent he is looking for a Dairy Queen along the way. From Wisconsin we lay anchor in Michigan, where we learn that MSU is a Cow College, although that fact is adamantly disputed by students and former students alike. Perhaps because of the prevailing winds, or because of the affects of the chocolate stout, we are under sail for Tennessee again. It turns out to be fruitful when we learn of a lady who can write one sentence and yet recive 20 comments.

Our captain decides to visit some "strange people," one of whom actually completed a two-page book. In Arizona we are honored to meet the best selling author of "What's Shakin' in the Men's Room." He leaves us to wonder just what it might be. While in port we are sustained with heaping portions of kielbasa and saurkraut, egg-potato casserole and oat meal cookies. In spite of the rough seas wand tempests we have sailed through, at least the cuisine is keeping us alive.

Our education in foreign languages is enhanced greatly when we are taught that "scheiss" is German for bullshit. The skipper once again amazes us when he introduces to a mother of two, who while planning for a third, can write about poop or Picasso with equal ease. He tells us that he cannot leave after visiting her without asking himself, "How does she do that?"

Well, Captain Swifty, (or is it Hoss?) you manage to entertain us with equal ease. You can write about Picasso and we instantly think about poop! How do you do it?

Folks, I hope you enjoyed this introduction to Travels Into Several Not So Remote Blogs Of The World. But you don't need me to preview this classic-in-the-making. Drop by at Old Hoss' Stable and see for yourself. You might find yourself a dead duck if you fail to heed this advice.

No.351

2 comments:

OldHorsetailSnake said...

That Old Horsetail Snake guy has nothing on ME. Wait till next week when my buddy Feelgood Haines tells my buddy Karen in Utah how Salt Lake got so salty. Stuff like this keeps me up nights....

schnoodlepooh said...

It's all just truly fascinating.