Tuesday, September 20, 2005

On The Job Straining


You know all those self-help books out there? Well, I for one don't think they are all what they're cracked up to be! Oops! Excuse me, I wasn't referring to this particular book. Honest, I was just looking at all the pictures.

Hmm, Rule #2 says something about using a sock in your pants. Wouldn't that be false advertisement? A word of caution: Be sure to put sock in FRONT of pants!

Ahem! Anyway, I was referring to "Creating Web Pages For Dummies" trying to figure out what I might be doing wrong. It appears that I have been doing a lot of things wrong! It took me while after I started this blog site, to figure out how to get the counter onto the sidebar instead of on each posting. I finally figured it out, after admitting to John that I didn't know how.

What's this? Mind you, I am only looking at this stuff out of curiosity. You know, I'm seeing what I might have done wrong in the past. Yes, I'm talking about the blog! Rule #3 is interesting! When talking to girls make EYE contact and don't stare at her chest. "Nice to meet both of you," is not a good conversation starter. It is not cool to make the change joke: "You got two nipples for a dime?" I think my friend's advice was a nasty joke on me.

Oh, yeah. Where was I? My next frustrating bit of knowledge was how to add links. I knew I had to look into HTML. HTML: How To Meet Ladies? Anyway, I had to do some research. I found another book, "Simplified HTML Tips and Tricks," but it did not mention links. It did give me a few things to incorporate into my blog, so all was not lost. Once again on my own, I finally figured out how to add links to my sidebar and into my postings. Sheesh, forget a set of quotation marks and the whole thing won't work. Picky, picky! Well, my lists of links began to grow and grow when I noticed something wasn't quite right. All of my links were double spaced. (Everyone else had single spaced and they looked a lot neater.)

It is a good sign when you ask a date if she would like to have breakfast the next day and she agrees. It is NOT a good idea to then ask, "Should I call you or nudge you?" That was rule #4, by the way. Had I been privvy to that piece of advice, I might have had a better time at my Junior Prom. Hey, how do you like the neat screensaver? Wouldn't you like to play with them? The KITTENS! I meant the kittens!

Well, as you see can see, I finally figured out the spacing problem. It was all because of an extra "li" enclosed in brackets! One way to look at it is that if I ever want to add a space between the links, I know how. This is called Back-Door Education. Now if someone asks me if I am a Blogger, I can answer, "No, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn last night."

Oh, man! Now they tell me! You're not supposed to put the condom on until you are actually going to do it! Really, I'm not lying. It says so right here on page 112. It's rule #87! See what I mean, this what they mean by Back-Door Education. You learn it after the fact. You learn how NOT to under fire and learn how to later.

You see, I am a fast learner. I graduated Magnum Con Carne from the School of Hard Slaps. AND I am still learning with On The Job Straining.

No.347

4 comments:

kenju said...

Funny stuff, Mike.

Thanks for comingby; fireflies only live north of NYC, don't they? Their country cousins are lightning bugs...lol. I used to have a friend from Boston who "pahkt her cah" and said "farty" for forty after being here that many years. Go figure!

You didn't answer my question about the "cartoon" or "logo" that jumps just ahead of my scrolling down on your blog. What is it and why does it do that?

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Cute stuff, Hale-Bopp. Good job of "weaving" disparate elements. (When you grow up, you can use words like "disparate", too. And "ostentatious," when it comes to describing your elders.)

Karyn Lyndon said...

I don't get the Holiday Inn joke.

schnoodlepooh said...

You've become quite a pro at this blogging stuff, even learning about HTML. I'm feeling kind of dumb again. I don't know jackshit about any of it.