Sunday, October 02, 2005
Saturday night was my future son-in-law's last fling as a single hard working man. In eight days he'll become a married harder working man. In eight days he will have pick up his socks and underwear. In eight days he will have to remember to put the toilet seat down.
Seeing that this young man is to marry my daughter, I would make sure that no party shenanigans got out of hand. If there were to be any morally low positions he might be placed in, I would make the supreme sacrifice and stand in for him.
I'm in a quandary, I must admit. Should I divulge to you all the sordid details of last night? Or should I just hint at them, and try to protect the names of the innocent parties?
Should I admit that the Hula Girl was not a mistake instead of a singing telegram? You don't really want to know about the incident involving those smuggled cans of Weed Be Gone and that pair of clippers.
I had nothing to do with the fact that we ended up at the Naked Nude Revue and not the Texas Steak Bar & Grill. I can't talk about those complaints by a certain blonde stripper, it seems my lawyer advises me not to discuss any sexual harassment charges. Inspite of all the witnesses, that was not me chasing her! I don't know who it was who was seen wearing a g-string on my head. It was not me who supposedly was mooning the hostess!
I could mention the unexpected arrival of several police cruisers. I could reveal that the ensuing bail somewhat depleted my bank account. Should I get into how irate the significant others are? Will I ever be able to explain that telephone number stuffed in my shoe?
Should I even be mentioning at all what happened at the Bachelor Party? After all, it was just an innocent gathering of the groom, his father, his best man, his brother-in-law, and me, his future father-in-law. Then yes it is, I will tell you all about it. To set the record straight, none of the above actually happened. Not one single word of it was true! It got your attention though, didn't it?
The truth is that the five of us met at a 99 Restaurant at 6 PM, and were home by 8:30. The best man was a little drunk already, as he had been drinking at home all afternoon. Four of us had the Fish & Chips and one had the Crab dish. We had three drinks each.
That, my friends, was the wild night of revelry and debauchery that happened last night at one of those infamous Bachelor Parties. No more, no less.
Curmudgeon responsible for this post: Hale McKay at 8:51 PM