Thursday, October 13, 2005

Hubby Chow

The past week has seen an outright gastronomic siege upon my stomach. For the most part, I am what is often referred to as a 'meat and potatoes' man. I have never been a connoisseur of fine cuisine. If I cannot pronounce it in one try, rest assured it is probably something unappetizing to my palate.

Another tip-off for me; if it costs more than my watch, it usually means it is served in very small portions. I do not appreciate paying a Kings ransom for a meal and leaving still hungry. Sorry Martha, but parsley leaves for presentation does not satisfy anyone who is hungry. Try giving one of those fancy dishes to your former friends in jail, but remember - you have to sleep sometime.

My creature comforts consist mostly of a menu of 'comfort foods.' I like what I like. I guess it would be natural for you to think I am a picky eater. I will try just about anything once. I did try lobster, shrimp, clams, mussels, eel and even octopus and squid.
They can give it a fancy name like calamary, but that didn't prevent squid from tasting like chewing gum scraped off a movie theater floor to me. Take Shrimp Primera for example, the darn things made the pasta taste funny. I wonder when and how that it happened that some hungry caveman became the very first man walking on a beach to pick up a clam and eat it! That was one brave or stupid Neanderthal! (Either that or he was tired of left-over mammoth stew.)

Remember, I like what I like. To those who happen to like crustaceans and mollusks, you like what you like. But you have to agree about the mental prowess of that caveman.

French fries and a juicy burger, now that's what I'm talking about! That is food! The beauty of it is that you order two burgers and an order of fries and still have enough to get yourself a nice thick milk shake to wash it all down.

Of course that is food I usually get when I am on the road working. There are a lot of comfort foods I eat at home also.

My wife would probably call some of my favorites "Hubby Chow." Not so much to please me, but if she wants something done, one sure-fire way to sway me is to offer up some meatloaf with mashed potatoes and a pan gravy. Pot roast and home-made beef stew can be considered Hubby Chow also. Hubby Chow works just like it's pet food equivalent Puppy Chow! If I had a tail, it would be wagging! The tongue will be in salavation mode with just a whiff of these wafting from the kitchen.

Sometimes, I am not all that hungry. That's where the hot dog comes in! It is the ultimate appetizer! Two or three of those will tide me over for a couple of hours. I prefer these cullinary marvels with mustard and onions, topped with chili. These are particularly handy on Thanksgiving Day while you are waiting those long 3 or 4 hours before the bird is done. At least two hot dogs around noon while watching the start of the football game takes one's mind off of the feast to be served later. Lest I forget, what better to wash down a couple of chili dogs, but a couple of frosted glasses of beer or ale. (What does it mean when a redneck has beer dripping from both corners of his mouth? - His trailer is level.)

No milkshakes here - I don't want to get too full - I try to save room for the turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, bread and gravy. Thanksgiving is just a little over a month away!

So remember ladies, if you want to please your man, if you want to get more household chores out of your man ... try Hubby Chow today!


1 comment:

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Wife: If you want to please yourself, give him this stuff for 2 or 3 years if he is insured well enough. No reason for you not to be on Easy Street when he's just asking for it. You're welcome.