Sunday, November 06, 2005

Numbers Don't Lie


Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving 100%? Some of us have been to a meeting where someone asks of us more than 100%. How about achieving 103%?
....If you can give them 103%, they'll ask for a couple of more percentage points. (Give them an inch, they'll expect a mile.)

For you skeptics who think 100% is the best one can do, you obviously never watched Star Trek: The Next Generation when Geordi La Forge squeezed out 103% efficiency from the main engines of the Enterprise.

Following is little math that might prove helpful. The letters of the alphabet are assigned a percent value 1 to 26 starting with A through Z. Thus:

"A-1, B-2, C-3, D-4, E-5, F-6, G-7, H-8, I-9, J-10, K-11, L-12, M-13, N-14, O-15, P-16, Q-17, R-18, S-19, T-20, U-21, V-22, W-23, X-24, Y-25 & Z-26."

As a result of this simple math, we come to some interesting facts for you to ponder.

HARDWORK (8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11) = 98%

KNOWLEDGE (11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5) = 96%
.
....So, it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close to perfection.

ATTITUDE (1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5) = 100%

BULLSHIT (2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20) = 103%

....Here we can see that attitude achieves a perfect score, while bullshit exceeds perfection. Now how about:

ASSKISSING (1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7) = 118%

....So therefore, those who can substitute Preparation H for Chap Stick tend to get ahead by exceeding expectations. Let's face it, the numbers add up! You will find the following especially interesting:

PRESIDENT (16+18+5+19+9+4+5+14+20) = 110%

....Impressive for running a country a by the seat of one's pants.

PROSTITUTE (16+18+15+19+20+9+20+21+20+5) = 163%

....She could run the country on her back!

It's all in the numbers!

No.415

4 comments:

jj said...

I'm still here, I just moved! You can find my new site on my profile!

schnoodlepooh said...

That must be the new math!

Rilla said...

I don't remember posing for that cartoon, but it sure looks like me and my husband.

aka_monty said...

I wonder what percent "I sleep my way to the top" is? ;)