Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Parallel Porking

These are thoughts about getting the shaft. You know, getting it where the sun don't shine! Having it driven down the Hershey Highway - the Expressway to your fart!

Just ask Timmy the Turkey about the red-hot poker!

Then there is parallel porking, getting it from both ends! You might ask the residents of New Orleans who lost their homes and jobs how they feel about Starbucks being one of the first businesses to reopen in the wake of Katrina. Now they can worry about getting their lives back together while they pay $5 for a cup of coffee again.

Suppose there was an uprising, and in a reversal of fortunes, those millions of Thanksgiving turkeys "turned the tables!"

Sony had a nasty DRM software installed on certain music CDs. If you were one those who were unfortunate enough to have played one of those discs on your PC, you were struck with a painful disturbance in your "compost pile." This software was installing a program in your system that allows hackers and virus writers access to your computer through certain malicious codes. There was no warning until it was too late.
....It kind of makes you feel sorry for the people who bought the new Celine Dione album .... Nah!

Here's another poke in the brown eye! Saddam Hussein has decided he wants to write his memoirs. He asked his guard for a stenographer. The guard came back with a laptop computer instead.
...."No thanks," Hussein said, "I'm a dictator!"

I was placed in an uncomfortable position of having to defend President George W. Bush to a Pakistani owner of a Seven Eleven convenience store. Perish the thought, you must be thinking. How could I allow myself to fall into that trap? Well, it had to do with the accuracy of his facts. I mean if you are going to bash the President of the United States of America, you should at least have your facts straight. Am I right?
....Well the first thing he said was "George Bush ... He blows dead dogs!"
....I had to come to our Commander-In-Chief's defense on that crack. I said, "That's not true. I saw a dog get up and walk away just the other day!"
....Then he said, "George Bush ... He eats shit sandwiches!"
....Again, I had to stand up for our President's honor. I replied, "That's not true either. He does not like bread!"
....Not to be deterred, the man came back with, "Your President ... He is a liar!"
....What can I say? After all, two out of three ain't bad!

....Dubya, you're own your own on that one.

....You might say you got parallel porked!


1 comment:

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I, personally, am not going to show any disrespect to OUR President until say, next week. But then, later, I might pour it on. Who knows?