Wednesday, December 28, 2005
After a long day at work, I had just settled in my chair. While I sipped from a cup of coffee, I armed my weapon. My aim was impeccable as usual. On the first shot, the TV and cable box came to life.
"Activate main screen," I said aloud.
To get more comfortable I powered up the chair. My feet were slowly, soothingly lifted from the ground even as the back of the chair eased me into a relaxed position. My hands on the arms of the chair, I slowly turned to confirm that all sytems were go. The shades were down and the curtains were drawn. Operating on impulse power, I raised my weapon and let off another shot. The view screen before me turned black for a trice and then transmuted into a desired image of another sector of space.
With interest I studied the new images. The shapely woman in a tiny bikini was walking across the sands of a beach carrying a six pack of beer. Two young men in the background were watching her intently, staring at her every move. I soon learn that they are not watching the seductive sway of the woman's body. They don't even notice that the string of her bikini top has loosened. The woman quickly graps the falling piece of cloth before any of her charms are exposed. The men are staring, a leer pasted on their countenances. Not once during the drama playing out before them do they take their eyes from the six pack of beer. It was refreshing to see the two men exercising such restraint. They had their priorities straight.
Suddenly the commercial disapppeared, replaced by some awful drama. The flash of my weapon evoked newer images from other sectors. The little green lizard, a gecko I believe, is pulling a miniature car into a parking space. In the next scene, his Aussie dialect is telling us to by insurance from the company that had hired him as the spokes-mascot-person. I was mesmerized as a prehensile tongue emerged from its mouth and commenced to lick its eye. Then there was that unmistakable fade as the image began to change.
By then I was beginning to get aggitated. In the next instant the network interrupted its commercials and sent the new image of a football game! It was a College Bowl game being played on a blue field somewhere in Idaho. I was in luck, a timeout was called. I relaxed some as a promotional commercial of the two schools involved in the game. It was about employment oppurtunites on the school's campus. There were several positions open.
Aarghh! Before I knew what was happening, the game was blatantly being beamed back onto my screen. Irate, I began to fire my weapon in the rapid-fire mode. Sector after sector revealed programming. When I did find some commercials, again and again they were replaced with programs or sporting events. Why, in several sectors there was even news!
I was beginning to suspect that I had stumbled into a black hole. It was confirmed that I had in fact been injected into some distant quadrant of the Universe when I scanned several sectors with commercial-free programming! What was the world coming to? Commercial-free? It was down right sacreligious! The Spanish had held an inquisition over less.
Bringing the chair to an upright position, I fired a killing shot at the entertainment center. I wanted to relax. I wanted to watch a little intelectual television. I wanted to be entertained.
There was one thing I could do. If I wanted to be entertained and if I wanted it to be intellectual, I would have have to turn to the smaller screen. I would have to settle into another chair.
Cyber space ... The final frontier. Here begins my mission ... To seek out strange new blogs ... Intelligent life ... TO BOLDLY GO WHERE EVERYONE HAS GONE BEFORE.......
Curmudgeon responsible for this post: Hale McKay at 11:11 PM