Thursday, December 08, 2005

View From A Fishbowl

Hello. My name is Goldfinger. I am The Pointmeister's goldfish. I like to think that actually, he is my human. I just thought I'd throw that line out there to see if any of you took the bait. Pardon the aqua-humor. You see, most of the time he tends to look at the world through a fish bowl. If you think some of his views are rather distorted, you will know how I feel when he neglects to change my water.

Sometimes when he is busy fishing for ideas, I swear that sucker is on the wrong end of the pole! You should be on my side of the bowl when he decides to look at the world through my world. Imagine a large proboscis looming in front of you framed by a pair of bloodshot beady eyes. Imagine those same eyes penetrating, nay violating your very thoughts! Then there he is, inside my head, pilfering ideas born of my own mind.

Before you can say filet of sole, right there on the screen my philosophies, observations, and deepest thoughts are displayed for all the world to see. Obviously my limited physiology, pectoral and lateral fins, prevent me from transferring my thoughts to the screen. Ergo, I must take solace in the fact that through him my musings leave this myopic finite world of mine. Only through this quid pro quo relationship are you air-breathers allowed to see the world from this unique perspective.

I have a problem with the cuisine that is provided me. Does he think I am stupid? I know that stuff he sprinkles in here is the dehydrated scales of my brethren. I am forced into cannibalism. The only other option I am given is to starve. As for refreshments, I can only drink myself out of house and home.
....That brings me to the reason that I have taken the helm for this publication. I had an epiphany just yesterday - Liquid Cereal! The Pointmeister might get the credit for this Blog, but he won't get his greedy digits on this product. I have already applied for the patent and the copywright. I am salivating already just thinking of Froot Loops and milk broken down into a healthy fortified meal, made especially for captive fishes. Yummy!

I know I am no brain sturgeon, but I needed the capital and borrowed some fins from a loan shark. Of course, if I don't pay him back on time, my bass is grass somewhere up the pike! My porpoise is to make Liquid Cereal a whale of a success. Wait and see, I will become the starfish of this blog.

No.456

7 comments:

Nankin said...

GROAN

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I think you failed to blowfish your horn. I didn't know you were in the running for anything.

Hale McKay said...

Goldfinger and his bowl has been removed from the computer room. He will not again have access to my blog. Sorry about that, folks.

Ivy the Goober said...

Hey Goldfinger, you're kind of cute. You can come sit on my desk and I'll get you your OWN blog. I have two fishies: Captain Fantastic and Mesina Hof. But they don't seem nearly as smart as you. Bet they weren't as well schooled

jules said...

Oh man, now you've got Ivy involved in the bad puns. Michael, PLEASE take back the reins!!! Flush that little sucker Goldfinger. Or at least do like I did....clean his water...mine went belly up after I did that.

aka_monty said...

hyuk hyuk hyuk.
Send in the clownfish.
;)

Miss Cellania said...

There's something really fishy about this post.