Monday, January 09, 2006
The phenomenon known as Chat Rooms is not a new concept. It turns out that chat rooms have been around since the beginning. The news of the discovery of ancient personal computers has been kept low key. The team of archeologists who found these relics were fearful that the revelation of the startling discoveries would turn the religious world on its ears.
There were also worries about bitter copyright and patent law suits. Surely Apple Computers would cite their obvious connection to the apple and the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Microsoft magnate, Bill Gates would insist that he was a direct descendant of Pearly Gates.
Being careful to avoid revealing in software details and working under the philosophy of the time-honored "Finders Keepers" creed, the discovery team has released a transcript of what is believed to be the very first chat room room conversation. The service was provided by the now defunct EOL, Eden on Line.
Hi. I'm Eve.
Hi, Eve, I'm Adam. I wear a size 6 leaf. I like apples and gardening.
Eve: You must be new on line. I have been chatting in here for weeks by myself.
Adam: I was avoiding the chat rooms. You never know who you are talking with.
Eve: LOL! I once talked with someone one day, and I think he was a snake in the grass.
Adam: What is "LOL?" Remember I am new to chat rooms.
Eve: What, were you born yesterday?
Adam: As a matter of fact, I was dust of the ground only yesterday.
Eve: That's so weird. I keep having this dream that I was a rib.
Adam: I cannot help but wonder what you look like with clothes on.
Eve: Hehe! It's a shame we don't have webcams yet.
Adam: Well I only wear a leaf when I am on line. I need two hands to type.
Eve: I so know what you mean. But I like to use two hands for other things too.
Adam: Other things? Oh, yeah. You can use two hands on yours?
Eve: Of course, silly. Don't you have more than one?
Adam: Well, uh ... No.
Eve: I know this sudden, but maybe we should meet?
Adam: (No response.)
Eve: Hello? You still there? Damn. He must have dial-up.
Adam: Sorry. My leaf fell off!
Eve: Yes, we should definitely meet!
Adam: (No response.)
Eve: Wouldn't you know it? Even the first man is afraid of a commitment.
Adam: Sorry. Remember, I need two hands to type.
Eve: Hehe. Ah, yes.
Adam: Uh, when and where can we meet?
Eve: How about over at that big apple tree?
Adam: Sure. In about ten minutes say?
Eve: Perfect. That'll give me plenty of time to doll myself up.
Adam: Wait. How will I know you?
Eve: (No Response.)
Adam: Damn! I can't go there if I can't recognize her. (Disconnect: Goodbye.)
Eve: Hello? Hello? Just my luck, I'm going to be the first woman ever stood up.
It was there that the files ended reported a representative of the archeologists. What ever happened whenever those two people hooked up, if they in fact ever did, can only be subject to debate. The remainder of the files had been corrupted. They said they will attempt to restore some of the other files, reasoning that even partial files could prove valuable in the relentless search for the history of man.
At the time of this writing, one of the researchers said there were pieces of additional chat room conversations which they would release as soon as they are compiled and sorted into the proper time frames. He did say that one file seemed to be discussing a large boat and a zoo.
One thing is definite though, man and his interaction with computers and women predates most of the recorded history we have been taught in school through the years. The data seems to suggest that the computer may have disappeared when the Neanderthals began to be integrated into Cro-Magnon neighborhoods and school systems. It seems history does indeed repeat itself.
Curmudgeon responsible for this post: Hale McKay at 12:05 AM