Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Headless In Boston

...Running around like a chicken with its head cut off ...

Somedays it just seems that everything gets in the way of something else. There is too much to do and too little time to get it done. Then there are times when one thing cannot be accomplished until another task is completed.

I never met Lou, but he sure gets in my way a lot. You know, when you have to do something in lieu of something else! It sure seems lately, that a lot of what I want to do is penultimate to another.
....If I were to have myself cloned, I wonder if the traffic jams on the things-to-do highway would improve. One thing is certain, if I got in the way of my other self, I could tell myself to go screw myself. If that were to lead to a confrontation, I just might be able to take myself! Or vice versa?

What could be so dire in my little corner of the universe, you might ask? Hmm ... Let's see. For starters, there is my tendency to try to post to my site everyday. Once on line, of course, I must visit as many of you on my Blog Roll as possible. I try to leave comments. I try to keep up with my e-mail. Oh yes, there is the matter of sustenance, as it is a good idea to eat. Oh yeah, by the way, I have full-time job. I am by no means prioritizing my life, lest you think I am ignoring the importance of my wife, two dogs and the two cats.

....Priorities? You want priorities? How about the fuel pump of my truck shittin' the bed? It didn't come as a surprise, however. It has been acting up since last week. At first it was happening when I'd try to start the truck after it had been sitting for awhile. Without sufficient gas flow, it quite simply wouldn't start and continue to run.

How many idiots does it take to start a truck? Two! One to bang on the gas tank with a piece of 2 by 4 and the other to turn the key!

One day it would run okay all day long. The next, it wouldn't start when I'd return to it after being at a client's house. Then it would. Then it would not until the tank was banged with the aid of someone turning the key.
....Yesterday for the first time, the engine shut off while I was driving! Fortunately I was on the downside of a small grade at the time which allowed me to pull safely to the side of the road. With the fingers on my free hand crossed, it started right up. Everything was okay for the next four or so hours. Then it happened again - on a busy level street during rush hour. (Cars in front of me - Cars in back of me - Cars to the left of me coming the other way.) I was able to push it out of the main street onto a side street out of the traffic. Inexplicably, it started right up and I managed to make it home without further incident.
....Ah, and there was today! The day began with me tapping on the gas tank while my wife turned the key. Vrroooom! It started. She was purring like a kitten. Not a quarter of a mile from my house - it stalled out! It started right up. About another half mile up the road I stopped at an ATM machine and left it running while I withdrew some spending loot. Once behind the wheel, I was about to shift into gear when it happened it again. Without so much a shudder, she shut down.
....I called the office to inform them of my predicament. Funny, but that song began to run through my head while I listened for the desired voice-mail option. ("Take This Job And Shove It!") With my work slate for the effectively wiped clean, I began a vigil waiting for some help to arrive. I was at an ATM machine which shared property with a self-service gas station and a car wash, as such it wouldn't take long for a victim .. er a volunteer to come along.
....Finally a man who spoke broken English chanced along. I do believe he was the inspiration for the Yoda character from the Star Wars movies. I called out to him,"Excuse me, sir. Could you give me a hand?" He stopped and answered, "Help, I think nothing I can do." When I said that all that was required of him was to turn the ignition key in unison to my banging on the gas tank, he replied, "Turn the key, that I can do."
....His eyes seemed to almost pop out of their sockets when the truck started immediately. He said, "Magic touch, you have." As I drove off I saw him through the rear-view mirror standing in stunned silence. I said aloud, mostly for my own amusement, "Help good, you did."
....Home, I backed it into the driveway in anticipation of having her towed to the mechanic as soon as possible. Before calling the garage I began a task I wasn't looking forward to doing - siphoning gasoline from my truck into gas cans. The fuel pump in my truck is inside the gas tank. In order for the pump to be replaced, the gas tank must be removed. Mine not withstanding, no mechanic wants to drop a tank with a lot of gasoline in it. I had three-quarters of a tank and I knew it would have to be drained down to at least a quarter of a tank or less before he'd tackle the job.

Where was that clone of mine? I want nothing more than to kick his dumb ass for getting us into this fix in the first place!

I am still belching up gasoline three hours later. A gasoline belch, for those who have never had the pleasure, not only leaves a foul taste of gasoline in your mouth, but it burns the nostrils as well. I am avoiding open flames as a precautionary measure. Tomorrow morning, because I can't trust that I can make there without conking out, I'll call AAA to have it towed. For all intensive purposes, my work day tomorrow will also be shot to hell.
....That scream you hear wafting from beyond the horizon is my vacation fund in its death throes. Please hang your heads and offer up a little prayer for the dearly departed.

Priorities? Me having priorities? I'll just take the cards I'm dealt and bluff my way through the rest of today and tomorrow. Hey, maybe out of this I'll find something to blog about!
....You got to know when to drive 'em, know when to tow 'em;
Know when to drive away, know when to park.
You never count vacation money while you're gettin to work;
There'll be no money for countin' after the repairings done.

Now if you'll excuse me ... I gotta go find my head.



StringMan said...

I'm glad you mentioned your blogging everyday. I am amazed when I come here and see that I've missed three posts - and in my mind I was just here yesterday! You are a machine. I think I'm doing well to get one off every other day or so.

And your posts are always amusing, witty, and thoughtful. I never met Lou either, btw, but, yeah, he gets in my way too. Probably lives in Chelsea :)

Peter said...

Good post Kenny... er.... Mike, hope you got the truck back all fixed.

jules said...

Hey at least you HAVE a vacation fund to send into it's death throes.

FnQueen said...

I try to post to my blog everyday, but that damn Lou is always getting in the way!
I could just image that foreign guy with Yoda's voice, then you driving away saying "Help good, you did." Sent me into a fit of giggles!

JunieRose2005 said...

;) ...It's just LIFE, Mike!

BTW- that cartoon of the 'head-less chickens' is funny-but in REAL LIFE it isn't a pretty sight! :)
-being a country girl I have seen it!


OldHorsetailSnake said...

I think you need a flameout and a new set of wheels. Which you probably could get for what this is going to cost you.

Ivy the Goober said...

I was online trying to find a trip to take my kids on for spring break, then I figured I'd better do my taxes. Yikes, I have to PAY. No vacation for me, either.

aka_monty said...

'Somedays it just seems that everything gets in the way of something else.'

Exactly the reason I was absent most of the week.