Bushisms

"Those who enter the country illegally violate the law." - (No shit, Sherlock!)
"I believe we are called to do the hard work to make our communities and quality of life a better place." - (You think?)
"As a matter of fact, I know relations between our governments is good." - (You is good at grammar.)
"We look forward to hearing your vision, so we can more better do our job. That's what I'm telling you." - (I think you "see" our vision, that would be more betterer.)
"I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for predecessors as well." - (And not your successors?)
"The best place for the facts to be done is by somebody who's spending time investigating it." - (English teachers everywhere are cringing at this one.)
"You took an oath to defend our flag and our freedom, and you kept that oath underseas and under fire." - (Gotta love those men in the subs.)
"I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep on the soil of a friend." - (Sleeping on a grave? Hmm ..)
"We discussed the way forward in Iraq, discussed the importance of a democracy in the greater Middle East in order to leave behind a peaceful tomorrow." - (After you nuke 'em, right?)
"It's in our country's interests to find those who would do harm to us and get them out of harm's way." - (To hell with the victims, eh?)
"Part of the facts is understanding we have a problem, and part of the facts is what you're going to do about it." - (I are with you.)
"This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous. And having said that, all options are on the table." - (In other words, kiss your Irani asses goodbye!)
"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?" - (True. But often we ask "are" they learning?)
"I will have a foreign-handed foreign policy." - (WTF?)
"This administration is doing everything we can to end the stalemate in an efficient way. We're making the right decisions to bring the solution to an end." - (Pity we aren't playing a game of chess.)
"Drug therapies are replacing a lot of medicines as we used to know it." - (Let's see if I got this straight. If I'm in therapy they give me drugs, but no medicine. I'll have some of what you're taking.)
"Well, I think if you say you're going to do something and don't do it, that's trustworthiness." - (All this time, I thought it was breaking a promise.)
"I understand that the unrest in the Middle East creates unrest throughout the region." - (And hunger in Appalachia creates hunger in that region.)
"If you don't stand for anything, you don't stand for anything!" - (Well, we shouldn't stand for it, should we?)
"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." - (I surely wouldn't wany my dreams to take wing.)
"We cannot let terrorists and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile.'' - (Then get your ass over there and find the WMD.)
"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive position and have a tremendous impact on history." - (Bound and determined to leave your mark, eh?)
"Natural gas is hemispheric. I like to call it hemispheric in nature because it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods." - (Are we talking hemorrhoids here?)
"I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." - (You been seeing that pretty little mermaid again?)
"One of the common denominators I have found is that expectations rise above that which is expected." - (I hate when that happens!)
"Will the highways on the Internet become more few?" - (Hello? Less more, dummy.)
"I am mindful of the difference between the executive branch and the legislative branch. I assured all four of these leaders that I know the difference, and that difference is they pass the laws and I execute them." - (All four of them? You gonna bore them to death?)
"We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor just like you like to be liked yourself." - (I like the woman on top. Does that count?)
"Governor Bush will not stand for the subsidation of failure." - (Of course not, let President Bush do it.)
"If you're sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign." - (For more of the same? I think not.)
"We ought to make the pie higher." - (Why not? The pile certainly is higher.)
"Quotas are bad for America. It's not the way America is all about." - (When's the last time you ever applied for a job?)
"I think if you know what you believe, it makes it a lot easier to answer questions. I can't answer your question." - (Ah, got it. You don't know what you believe.)
"Reading is the basics for all learning." - (Have you tried it?)
"Laura and I really don't realize how bright our children is sometimes until we get an objective analysis." - (No wonder they drink!)
"I think we ought to raise the age at which juveniles can have a gun." - (Wouldn't it be easier to issue guns at the door?)
"First, we would not accept a treaty that would not have been ratified, nor a treaty that I thought made sense for the country." - (If it made sense to you, what makes you think we should accept it?)
"The senator has got to understand if he's going to have...he can't have it both ways. He can't take the high horse and then claim the low road." - (Even I know that you always take the low horse and then the high road.)
"It is clear our nation is reliant upon big foreign oil. More and more of our imports come from overseas." - (And I thought they from the trunk of a Cadillac in an alley.)
"They misunderestimated me." - (Who? Your grammar teachers?)
"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it." - (I bow to you, oh Great Swami.)
"The California crunch really is the result of not enough power-generating plants and then not enough power to power the power of generating plants." - (I disagree. I don't think there is enough power.)
"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." - (Me, I always put the family on the food.)
"We don't believe in planners and deciders making the decisions on behalf of Americans." - (That's a relief.)
"I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe-I believe what I believe is right." - (And we are supposed to believe this?)
"I understand small business growth. I was one." - (Funny, thats what Laura said. "You have a growth on your small business.") "One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." - (What kind of man reads Playboy?)
"They want the federal government controlling Social Security like it's some kind of federal program." - (It isn't?)
"If a person doesn't have the capacity that we all want that person to have, I suspect hope is in the far distant future, if at all." - (Does this mean you can drink me under the table? Or am I missing the point?)

No.579