Saturday, March 25, 2006

Trimming The Lawn

It won't be long. Before I know, I'll be able to commune with nature. Soon I'll be able to take a deep breath of Spring air, just moments before I gag on the smell of gasoline and take in a lungful of carbon monoxide. Starting a lawn mower after it has been idle for several months, is a rite of spring.
....While invigorating, the first mow-job of the Spring is also educational. The lessons are free. All a student need do, is to open a window and listen to the professor. This early season class features a virtuoso lesson in the phonetics of slang. The spate of lexiconic verbiage will introduce the students to words that cannot be found in any Bible. With each yank of the starter cord, an almost melodious stream of words is made available for the student to add to their own vocabulary.

For now, the lawn mowing and vocabulary exercises will have to wait. That bitch, Mother Nature hasn't taken the shackles off Old Man Winter yet. Between you and me, I think she's into the kinky stuff, but Winter must like it. Only this week have the trees and some of the shrubs started to bud.

There are still some outdoor chores that can be started. First and foremost, the grill can be released from solitary confinement. It can then apply for a summer work-release program. It will get the job.
....This beauty has all the bells and whistles! Talk about state-of-the-art! You can grill some burgers, weinies, wings and ribs and all the while be blogging at the same time! With a special sensor chip, you can even "post" the smells of the grilling food to a smell pod. You might say it is "scratch and sniff" for the web.

My neighbor was out working on his boat. He was scraping and sanding to get it ready for a fresh paint job. He has to remove his ex-wife's name from the stern in order to put up his girl friend's name instead.
....From my own observations, I can see why a boat is defined as: "a hole in the water into which you throw your money."

Unfortunately, I have to wait a while longer before I send the snow blower to its post-winter storage. It has stay at the ready even into April, such is the weather in quaint old New England.

It is nice enough outside to wash and wax the transportation though. My wheels is wearing a dingy coat of dried salt and dirt and needs a serious washing. If perchance it does snow again at least a new coat of wax will protect it. Don't get any bright ideas any of you avian squatters.

After that I will grab a bite to eat, park my gluteus maximus in the Lazy Boy and fall asleep watching some excitingly boring program. I'll dream that the warm weather is finally here. I'll dream of cutoffs and the beach ... and bikinis ... and tee shirts ... and bikinis ...

I am poised at the edge of a triangular patch of coarse growth. The lawn mower is purring like a kitten. I trim the edges of growth. It is like soft heather damp and musty. Tee shirts ... and ... bikinis ... and ... fur ... and ... ass ...

My reverie is broken. The cat has jumped upon my chest and is rubbing against my face ... its fur ... and its ass!

No.575

10 comments:

kenju said...

Good for the cat!!

Thanks for the visit, Mike. That comment you left about the woman on the other end of the phone call was amazing. What are the chances of that??!!

Kat said...

Cats are the best at rude wake-up calls. Thanks for coming by my blog. Yours looks pretty funny, I'll have to come back again.

Funny about the boat naming neighbor!

poopie said...

Thanks for visiting my place, Mike. I can see we share the same sense of humor!

Karen said...

he, he, he,...

can relate to everything you said about spring's arrival; hubby hates to be reminded of the lawn mowing.

btw, your pics tell a story of their own! {chuckle}

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Golly, most rich people like you have been in Florida for the winter. What's keeping you in Massachusetts?

Hale McKay said...

Hoss, that's most rich folk unlike me!

Hale McKay said...

Actually Kat, that his wife he's naming the boat after.

LZ Blogger said...

Commune with NATURE? Nice wax job on that first body! ~ jb///

Cheri said...

I have to stop drinking coffee when I come to your blog---I start laughing and choking....Mike, you kill me....and that first pix, hmmmm...I'll comment at my blog!! lol You know I'm stealing that one!

Peter said...

Hi Mike, that was a good post, something for everyone there.
Get out your atlas and have a look at our island state Tasmania, it brings a smile to faces everywhere.