Friday, April 28, 2006

Coming Distractions


We are on the cusp of the summer blockbuster season at the movies. Movie-goers are poised to hit the theaters for this year's offerings. Coming soon is the long-awaited The Da Vinci Code, Mission: Impossible 3, and X-Men: The Last Stand.

As for myself, I tend to think of these summer releases as the blockbuster rentals of Autumn. I don't go to the theaters anymore. First and foremost is that it is just too damned expensive! Ten to fifteen dollars for one ticket just to get in for a first-run film? That's before making it to the concession stand. Do I really need to expound about the "bargains" at the stand?

I'm not prone to previewing movies as a rule, but in this post I am making an exception. However will be the operative word as far as these previews are concerned. I am not going to preview this summer's up-coming releases. Au contraire, I am going to preview next year's blockbusters!

Mission: Impossible IV: - Can Tom Cruise save the franchise as he struggles to save a marriage that was doomed from the start? His mission this time? To put on a convincing performance, unlike his efforts in the first three of the series.

Brokeback Valley: - Guilt-ridden, the cowboy's marriage is on the rocks. A mutual separation finds him heading back to the mountain and the man he had loved. They meet instead at a little cabin in the valley below the mountain. Together they both must find the answer to the same question: "How deep is my valley?"

The Bourne Nightmare: - Matt Damon's character awakens only to find that he'd been having a nightmare all along. The adventures that he'd experienced in the first two films had only been a bad dream. He experiences a real nightmare when faces reality and returns to his job as a lady's shoe salesman in a Wal-Mart store.

Rocky IX: - Rocky Balboa returns to train his grand son for a fight with Clubber Lane's grand daughter. When the two fall on love on the eve of their title bout, Rocky confronts his old nemesis in attempt to gain his assistance in breaking up the relationship between their grand children. The drama takes a strange turn when he discovers that Clubber is having an affair with Adrian.

Grumpy Old Women: - Sophia Loren and Ann Margaret reprise their roles, this time as widows. As terms of their husbands' wills they must get remarried. All is well and good until they set their sights on the same potential husband. There is one hitch, the man is more interested in wearing their clothes than he is in the women.

Grease 3: The Reunion: - It's been 30 years since the gang graduated from Rydell High. As they gather for the reunion, the alumni find that things have changed considerably. Danny has been shacked up with Frenchie. Kinickie is the mayor and is married to Cha Cha DiGregorio. Principal McGee and her former secretary Blanch are living together. Coach Calhoun was married to Vi from the diner. Betty Rizzo was on her third marriage, the current one with Eugene Felnic. The suspense builds as they await for Sandy to show up. Little do they know, she is now a porn star performing under the name of Cherry Pop. Her agent is none other than Vince Fontaine.

Well, there you go. You've read the previews here first. If you also think movie tickets are too expensive, then you can consider the above as previews for next fall's rentals.



Minka said...

That was Hillarious! I laughed really hard and it is 4 am my time and I am at work! Thanks for teh laugh, it will keep me awake until 8 when i can go home and sleep!
I think going to the movies is not necessary anymore. I mean the DVDs come out so quickly now, it is amazing.
"How deep is my Valley" *hahahaha*

Marti said...

Note to self:

Do not read Mike's blog while drinking coffee

Marti now wipes off her monitor LOL)

Thanks for the giggles!

Peter said...

A great crop of movies there Mike, can hardly wait to see them, especialy "Grumpy Old Women"
that should be a riot.

Webmiztris said...

oh, that was awesome, mike! my husband would even watch The Bourne Nightmare! He's so into those movies and I have no idea

poopie said...

Umm..I'll take The DaVinci Code :)

blue said...


TMelendez said...

Bro, what happened to "girl interrupted II - Coitus gone wrong?" .. How about Sideways; the real story".

Do not want to hastely Unveil the plot to Michael Moore's "Collateral the sequel", the Republican's party intent on letting someone else fix the mess they have gotten us in.

THe ToNynci Code!