Don't Rub The Bush The Wrong Way

President Bush Attacks Blogger (Click to see article)

That was the headline in our local newspaper. Believe it or not, it was me he attacked! It seems that our illustrious Commander-in-Chief was surfing the Web and stumbled across my site. First he was mad because I solved the crossword puzzle on his desk. I think he was working on it all week long.

I just wanted to ask him about the new action toy, "Squeeze My Head Dubya." (When you squeeze the doll's head it makes loud 'fart' sounds.) I was just curious if the doll was anatomically correct. Also, I wanted to know if it was safe for children. How much gas was in it? For if it contained as much gas as him, it would be as a dangerous as a bunch of bean-eating Rednecks with a book of matches.

I told him I was just an ordinary Blogger trying to make people laugh. I convinced him that Blogs are read just as much as newspapers. I assured him that it was free publicity. I reminded him of the old adage, "He who laughs last, is the punchline." (Well, so it isn't that old. I just made it up.) But Dubya didn't know that!
...When I noticed him limping, I asked if the injury was from his recent skiing trip. I showed him the picture that a photog sold
to me. He made me swear that I would not release the picture. I assured him that his secret was safe with me. (So what, if I lied?) Isn't imitation the highest form of flattery?

He asked me what Blogging was like. He wasn't sure what he was going to do after he got out of office, but maybe a Web Log would keep him busy. I said that was a good idea. I told him he could bash the next moron in office. He grinned sheepishly. I think he liked he idea. So in parting, I gave him a copy of the book that I used to learn Blogging.

Afterwards, I thought, "What if I just created a monster?" Remember what I said about Rednecks, beans and matches? If this man ever gained command of the English language and could learn to use words with two or more syllables, he could steal all the Blog readers. Then what would you, I and the rest of the Bloggers do with our spare time?

Ah! There would be a vacancy at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. If a book like this one can teach him to Blog, then surely the comic strips like Doonesbury, can teach us to be President!

I think I'll start writing my campaign speeches.

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