Saturday, July 08, 2006

Of Sheep and Men

Today Miss Cellania has a post about sheep. The least I can do is put up a sheep cartoon and a joke too, no?

Two ranch hands were sitting in the shade of a large tree on a hillside overlooking a herd of sheep. With admiration they were watching their boss' teenage daughter walking among the herd.
....The first man says, "Last week I nailed the prettiest young thing right here under this very tree."
...."No kidding," responded the other.
...."I did it right in front of her mother!" the first man added.
...."Wow!" exclaimed the second man impressed with his friend's deed. "What did the mother say?"
....A big grin on his face, he answered, "Baaaa!"

Back on July 4, Peter put up a post titled, "This will be a Sh***y Post (SORRY)." He very eloquently demonstrated the many ways that the word s**t has become a part of our everyday vernacular. I really enjoyed the post and was left wondering where he found the inspiration for that piece.
....That was before I found this Droopy cartoon. No doubt he will be miffed at me for giving away one of his trade secrets. However, I don't think he had the market cornered on this concept.
....Have you ever noticed that some of the best blogs out there are written by women? Why is that? I think you are starting to see the light. That's right! It is a well known fact that women don't fart! Draw your own conclusions.

Movie Trivia: It is a little known fact that Racquel Welch invented the Wonder Bra while filming on the set of that classic piece of cinema, One Million Years B.C.

Many fashion trends begin in the movies or on our favorite television programs. Can we credit or blame Fran Drescher in TV program The Nanny for the resurgence of the mini-skirt? One message was lost on some of the fans of that program - You gotta have a certain figure to wear them!

If you have noticed that this post has inexplicably turned to the subject of breasts, you'd be correct. It was by design in order to set up the following Little Johnny joke.

....Not necessarily well-prepared in his life science classroom, Johnny was staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of breast milk."
....What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best: 1. No need to boil. 2. Never goes sour. 3. Available whenever necessary. So far so good - maybe.
....But the exam demanded a fourth answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer.
.... 4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes.
.... He received an A.

An inebriated man walked into a store one afternoon. At the counter was a pretty buxom girl who asked him, "Can I help you, sir?"
...."Yesh," he stammered. "I have to ca-catch a b-b-bus and I only have a dollar b-b-ill."
....She tried to ignore the fact that the drunk was drooling and staring at her breasts and asked, "How would you like your change?"
...."Three qua-quarters - (hic) - and a nickle. The fare ish eighty schents." he replied his eyes locked onto her chest.
...."And two dimes for the rest, okay?" she asked.
...."B-b-better m-make it a dime and two nipples."

....Is it any wonder that many consider beer an aphrodisiac?

Actually it isn't an aphrodisiac at all. It might make some men amorous. It might cloud their judgement. It might lower their standards.
....It does not, however, enhance their prowess. Truth be told, beer is more closely akin to sleeping pills than to Viagra.

Finally, this young lady has a request. She is in dire need of a dancing partner.

....Any volunteers?

(Think: the Running of the Bulls!)

See ladies, we don't need beer.



Merle said...

Hi Mike ~~ Thanks for your comments,
glad you liked the jokes.
I think the young lady wanting a dance partner would be better off having major surgery. Then again, it looks as though she may have had it.
Take care, Merle.

Peter said...

Hey Mike I can get myself into enough trouble Buddy, I don't require any help, now I don't know whether to insist that women do fart or that not farting has messed with their minds!!!!!
Re the dance girl, I'm definitly going with my Sister on this one and I don't care which option you pick.

Christina said...

maybe the dance girl never farts, thats why other body parts are so inflated?

schnoodlepooh said...

Good grief. That woman could hurt herself if those things ever started bouncing around. At the very least, she could give herself a black eye! I do not recommend dancing with her.

Ms. Vickie said...

You can blame little Johnny all you want for the tone of the post being breast....I know it was really Peter...yep as if you needed any help, Mike.

I do have both your numbers---no not your phone numbers. :)

Enjoy your day.

poopie said...

Our local sheriff got arrested for killin' sheep some years back. They were probably his girlfriends :)

M.E Ellis said...

Terribly sorry to shatter the illusion.

But I fart.

A lot.


OldHorsetailSnake said...

Advantage of breast milk: You don't GET to suck; you HAVE to.

Karen said...

hopefully that was paint shop and not surgery enhanced, lol!

Raggedy said...

I enjoyed my visit. Thanks!

Miss Cellania said...

Yep, I knew SOMEONE would post the sheep jokes I didn't! And if I'd thought about it, I would've guessed correctly!

Randi said...

That's really a good question...why are there more women bloggers then men? Is it because we enjoy reading/literature so much more? Or is it simply that we enjoy ranting and want someone else to agree with us...the world may never know!