Cellular Breakdown

Today while I was slumming catching up on my Blogroll visitations, Monty asked a burning personal question of her readers: "Have you ever pretended to be talking on your cell phone just to avoid to talk to someone, only to have it ring?" She added, "Neither have I." [sic]

A few of the comments left on her post included some who fessed up to this deed. I was about to comment that I was guilty of this faux pas, but then I decided that my incident was a 'little' different. It was different enough to merit a posting of its own. (Thanks Monty, I didn't know what to post tonight.)

Having a cell phone ring while you are pretending to be talking to someone is most certainly an embarrassing moment. You've heard of melt-downs, i.e., The China Syndrome, but I experienced a major breakdown on the 'cellular level' one day.

I was cornered by a young lady that I've known for several years
- (details withheld to protect the guilty) - who can talk at length about any subject as long as it includes herself in her diatribes. If talking was a virtue, this lass is already eligible for Sainthood.

I was between clients and had a schedule to keep, and there was no way that I wanted to be standing there listening and helpless to get a word in edgewise. Excusing myself, I began to walk away, only to have her fall into step beside me, her tongue still wagging like the 'early warning system' of a rattlesnake.

Ah, sweet salvation! My cell phone began ringing! (My ringtone is the very distinctive theme to "Star Trek: Generations.") I worked out an immediate but desperate plan of escape. I would not answer the phone! I would let it ring three times, and while pulling it out the holster I would shut the phone off in the same movement. Then I would 'answer it' and make up some emergency from the 'caller.' It was perfect. It was flawless!

The phone stopped after only two rings but I proceeded as planned. My performance would have been worthy of an Oscar nomination, so convincing was my 'conversation' with the party on the other end. (I was already formulating my acceptance speech at that moment.)

Yes, it "would" have been worthy - had I pulled out my cell phone!

She suddenly lashed out at me, "Asshole! Always the comedian. Well, you're not funny!" With that she turned and walked away in a huff. (I haven't seen or heard from her in six months since that day.)

Now I suppose you want to know what I was talking into, if not my cell phone, right? Wasn't it embarrassing enough without putting it on screen for the world to read? Okay! Okay, I'll tell you.

That particular day I was wearing two holsters, both approximately the same size and weight on my belt. One was the cell phone, similar to the one pictured above. The other contained my handy Tool Mate. It is one of those multiple-tool gadgets with a small hammer, pliers, several screw drivers, a mini-flashlight, a level, a tape measure, etc.

The Tool Mate is a very handy gadget. You can use it for just about anything - except taking phone calls!

(Hmm, if I'd had one of these that day...)

No.740