Saturday, September 16, 2006

Let The Potty Begin


Something new... Something old... Something stolen... Something blogged...

If imitation is the highest form of flattery, then Bloggers should have a Hall of Fame. Okay, maybe it should be a small room with a porcelain alter!

While there are writers who blog, Bloggers ... well, blog. There are Bloggers who are good writers, just as there are writers who are good Bloggers. The only difference lies in the medium they use to ply their skills. Both, however, are capable of producing so much crap.

When it comes to crap, the writer has a distinct advantage. If his or her output is unacceptable and thus rejected, there remains a usable commodity - paper. This paper can be used wisely making the writer worthy of accolades from the EPA. The paper can be used to line a bird cage, or spread on the floor to train a new puppy.
....Writers have been known to develop highly specialized athletic skills. Many "solo basketball" superstars were once writers who honed their abilities with many hours of practice by tossing wads of paper at trash cans.
....To find out if you have the talent to be a solo basketball player, you can try out by clicking here . Pay attention to the fan!
....If times are rough for the aspiring writer, that manuscript can also be used as an efficient, if uncomfortable, substitute for toilet paper.

On the other hand, the Blogger's unacceptable work does not make a good substitute for toilet paper. Indeed, any attempts to use it as such would leave one with a disgustingly filthy screen. Most monitors make poor linings in bird cages. They are not particularly well known as good absorption agents for puppy piss either.
....It is not advisable to take up solo basketball using a monitor, as these devices tend to be heavy and cumbersome. They are however, unaffected by a fan.

....Bloggers are more environmentally accepted than writers when it comes to the Conservationists. A Blogger generates no paper waste. Bloggers do not make good solo basketball players and have no need to create paper wads. No rejection, or blank screen due to writer's block, ends up being flushed into a sewer. Of course this also helps to conserve water.
....If a Blogger needs to line a bird cage or to train a puppy, he or she can simply tear a page out of some writer's product. The complete works of William Shakespeare could stock a bathroom for quite some time. (In a few years, George W. Bush will publish his memoirs.)

When it comes to imitation, both the writer and the Blogger are subject to the laws that govern plagiarism. The writer can be punished severely for the practice, but the Blogger usually only suffers mild chastisement. (The only real question is who copied what from whom first?)

Flattery is welcome in both camps! What writer doesn't want glittering reviews? What aspiring writer doesn't dream of being listed on The New York Times best seller list? (I doubt that many serious writers want to be on Oprah's list.)

....What do Bloggers want? A lot of readers and a lot of flattering comments, thank you very much!

....I know what this Blogger needs. After writing this crap, I need to run to the store for some toilet paper. (The screen is dirty enough.)

No.748

8 comments:

aka_monty said...

HA! We must be sharing a brain this week...when I was recording my radio show a couple days ago I went on a little rant about people stealing my shit.

:)
As in blog material, I mean to say.

Merle said...

H Mike ~ Thanks for your comments.
I enjoyed a lot of your jokes, especialy "Where do we bury the survivors" Take care, Merle.

Miss Cellania said...

Mike, you arte SUCH a wonderful writer, thats why I come by here EVERY DAY to enjoy your wonderful prose... and sometimes poetry.

Thoughts said...

I think I might be one of the ones that writes a lot of crap...

Dang, and I thought no one noticed...

Thoughts

Peter said...

Sometimes ya just had to be there at the time Mike, some of these ideas start out good but along the way a wheel can fall off.

jules said...

Oh yes, Mike. You are a wonderful writer. You are so talented. You magnificently craft words together to....wait...I have something on my shoe. Can you pass me some toilet paper? (I do love you sweetie!)

Raggedy said...

You are a talented blogger.
I enjoy my time here.
Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from da Cool Raggedy one

NMOTB said...

hope you had a good weekend - enjoyed your post! I linked ya!