Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Say What?

I received the following in an e-mail from my sister in Huntington, WV.

THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2005:


Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[ That'll stop 'em. ]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!! ]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing lazy so-and-so's!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!] Are these the same police who suspected homicide when the guy was found in a trash bag in the trunk of an abandon car in KC ?

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges!
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[He probably IS the battery charge!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
[What a way to die ... again!]




(And this I received from my brother-in-law...)




Try not to send this to anyone it might offend. :)



Beautiful Blonde Pole Dancer

If you should find it too offensive,
please advise, and I will remove your name
promptly from these type of emails!





(Open Discreetly)

Please scroll on Down.......








You were expecting something more like this?


Sorry to disappoint you!

No.745

9 comments:

Jack K. said...

LMAO.

I enjoyed your editorial comments. It makes you wonder sometime whenever you see those things.

Saw the blonde pole dancer in an email recently. It was too risque for me to pass on. Yeah, I was hoping for the latter, but what can you expect from an old MCP. lol

Congratulations. At last someone knows how to spell the duct in duct tape. (I know, Duck Tape is a commercial use.) lol

JunieRose2005 said...

Hale,

I enjoyed reading this!

Liked the little blond pole dancer too!
I'm talking about the first one! :)


Junie

Thoughts said...

I'm a little undecided about the pole dancer re:which one is better or preferrable...

I enjoy finding some of those headlines myself. I may now look to creating a list of my own, thanks for the idea... I think.... crap, another idea that I just don't have time for...

Hope yer having a great one

Thoughts

Raggedy said...

lmao..hahahaha
cute pup..
We get the same mail I see...
Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from da Cool Raggedy one

aka_monty said...

Thanks honey pie, I totally needed a laugh today. :)

And now I also need a new puppy. :)

Miss Cellania said...

Headline writers often don't proofread. Our local papers have funny stuff like that all the time, and NOT intentionally! The "miners refuse to work after death" reminds me of a recent story here in coal country... mines can't be inspected, because the inspector's air masks are not up to safety standards.

Yeah, skip finding out whether the MINE is safe!

Christina said...

Love the headlines, especially running down the jaywalkers.

jules said...

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks--it ain't true. I've tried....recently. ;)

Peter said...

Hi Mike, love the headlines and comments AND the last pole dancer.