Friday, December 22, 2006

Christmukah*

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions ..
... It was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge.

An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire.

While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides.

By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Christmukah, as the new holiday is being called.

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the Dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.

Also, instead of translating to "A great miracle happened there," the message on the Dreydl will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff happens."

In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts. In fact, one of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.

A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa might not be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not for the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance.

He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of "Oy, Come All Ye Faithful."

*(This is another gem "borrowed" from Emmitsburg.)

Weeweechu

One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung
Lee were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full
moon, when Huan Cho said "Hey baby, let's play Weeweechu."
...."Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Jung Lee.
...."Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and
it's the perfect time," Huan Cho Begged.
...."But I rather just hold your hand and watch the moon."
...."Please Jung Lee, just once play Weeweechu with me."
....Jung Lee looked at Huan Chi and said, "OK, we'll play Weeweechu."
....Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and they both sang....."Weeweechu a
Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry
Christmas, and a Happy New Year."

AND SO DO I!

No.839

9 comments:

Steve G said...

Weeweechu, you got me on that short one.

Top cat said...

You are a nut! I love it.
Always great writing and laughs here.
Thank you
Tc

Marti said...

Me too - LOL!
Stopping by everyone on my blogroll.
Wishing you a wonderful holiday season and a glorious New Year!

Miss Cellania said...

Next thing you know, they'll merge Festivus and New Year into the mix! Merry Christmas, Mike!

Jack K. said...

Weeweechu a Merry Christmukah!

snavylyn said...

LMAO - that was awesome!!

A very Merry Christmas to you too. I'll be in your neck of the um... wood this weekend. (all my relatives are still there)

Duke_of_Earle said...

G--R--O--A--N!!!

(Good one, Mike!)

John

jules said...

Merry Christmas Mikey.

Serena Joy said...

Hilarious post, Mike. I heard Weeweechu on the radio the other morning, but I loved seeing it in writing. It was even funnier this way.