Marketing Mayhem

Don't you just love those clever commercial slogans and jingles?

Some are endearing and have catchy lyrics that you make you want to sing along...

"I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony... "

" HOT DOGS, Ar-mour HOT DOGS
What kind of kids love Ar-mour HOT DOGS?
Big kids, lit-tle kids, kids who climb on rocks
fat kids, skin-ny kids, ev-en kids with chicken pox
love HOT DOGS, Ar-mour HOT DOGS
The dogs kids love to bite! "

Then there were those ingratiating ones that got under your skin...

"...When it says Libby's, Libby's, Libby's on the label, label, label ... "

They didn't have to be jingles to give me that 'scratches-on-the-chalkboard' sensation....

"¡Yo quiero Taco Bell! " - - "I want my Maypo! " - - "Pardon me, do you have any Grey Poupon? " - - and the fist-clinching-est of them all ..." Please don't squeeze the Charmin.. ".

Didn't you want to sic a bull terrier on that little Chihuahua? I often visualized a heaping helping of Milk of Magnesia being poured down that kid's gaping mouth. To the snob in the Rolls, 'How about some brown poupon you?' Many were the times that my hands were squeezing Mr. Whipple's neck!

I wonder ... if you spread I Can't Believe It's Not Butter on that Poppin' Fresh guy and popped him in the oven, would you get hot cross buns?

Suppose I decided to start up a business, say one that sells produce and fishing bait. Don't you think Shake & Bait would be a great name?

Here's a great product idea: White Out-White On! By combining correction fluid and toothpaste, the consumer can correct typing/writing errata and keep their teeth white no matter where they are. Misspelled broccoli? White it out! Got broccoli caught in your teeth? White On and it's gone!

Maybe I'd be better suited as a jingle or slogan writer! Embarrassed by diarrhea? Use Imodium® and spend less time on the commodium!
~Got an important speech and you are suffering from diarrhea? Use Imodium® and spend more time at the podium!

Over the years some the ad icons and slogans were miscast and used to promote the entirely wrong products.
~Case in point, Clara Peller should have been standing in front of a naked man with his back to the camera when she utters her famous, "Where's the beef? " It is obvious that the slogan should not have been pitching burgers, but Viagra!

"It's what's up front that counts. " used for a brand of cigarettes? Nay, nay! This is tailor-made for selling the "Wonder Bra."

Some day, in the near future on a TV set near you, there will be commercials for vibrators. Tres avante-garde, I have already rewritten the well known jingle above and have come up with a catchy little ditty for the debut of such ads:

"HOT RODS, Amour HOT RODS!
What kind of girls love Amour HOT RODS?
Big girls, little girls, girls who want much more.
Fat girls, skinny girls, even girls with boys at the door,
Love HOT RODS, Amour HOT RODS
The rods girls love to use. "

This is a topic with a lot more possibilities due to the innumerable ads and products out there. This matter will be revisited in a future post. Perhaps you have some slogans or jingles that you like or detest?

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