Catchy title .. yes?
Yep, it's time to take a dump again! I mean, it's time to clean out the e-mail cache. These few jokes have been residing there - until now!
You Gotta Be Shittin' Me!
You ever wondered where the phrase, "You gotta be shittin' me!" came from?
Well, it just so happens to have originated through the Father of our Country way back when, George Washington was crossing the Delaware River with his troops.
There were 33 [remember this number] in Washington's boat. It was extremely dark and storming furiously and the water was tossing them about. Finally, Washington grabbed Corporal Peters [remember this name] and stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He ordered him to keep swinging it, so they could see where they were heading.
Corporal Peters, through driving rain and cold, continued swinging the lantern back and forth, back and forth. Then a big gust of wind and a wave hit and threw Corporal Peters and his lantern into the Delaware. Washington and his troops searched for nearly an hour trying to find Corporal Peters, but to no avail. All of them felt terrible, for the Corporal had been one of their favorites.
Sometime later, Washington and his troops landed on the other side,wet and totally exhausted. He rallied the troops and told them that they must go on. . Another hour later, one of his men said, "General, I see lights ahead." They trudged toward the lights and came upon a huge house. What they didn't know, was that this was a house of ill repute hidden in the forest to serve all who came.
General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding around him. The door swung open, and much to his surprise stood a beautiful woman. A huge smile came across her face, to see so many men standing there.
Washington was the first to speak, "Madam, I am General George Washington and these are my men. We are tired, wet, exhausted, and desperately need warmth and comfort."
Again, the Madam looked at all the men standing there, and with a broad smile on her face, said, "Well, General, you have come to the right place. We can surely give you warmth and comfort. How many men do you have?"
Washington replied, "Well, madam, there are 32 of us without Peters."
And the Madam said, "You gotta be shittin' me!"
Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.
The Father said, "Top o' the mornin' to ya! Aren't ya Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer husband two years ago?"
She replied, "Aye, that ya did, Father."
The Father asked, "And be there any wee little ones yet?"
She replied, "No, not yet, Father."
The Father said, "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle fer ya and yer husband."
She replied, "Oh, thank ya, Father." They then parted ways.
Some years later they met again.
The Father asked, "Well now, Mrs.Donovan,how are ya these days?"
She replied, "Oh, very well, Father!"
The Father asked, "And tell me, have ya any wee ones yet?"
She replied, "Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4 singles... 10 in all!"
The Father said, "That's wonderful! How is yer loving husband doing?"
She replied, "E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle!"
(Thanks again, Earl)
The World's Shortest Psychiatric Joke
A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only underwear made of Saran Wrap.
The psychiatrist says, "Well...I can clearly see your nuts."
(Thanks to my daughter, Gretchen)