Monday, April 02, 2007

Drowning in the Office Pool

A Little Hoops Humor Before Baseball

March Madness describes the mood of everyone who's already working on their income tax.

Florida repeats as the NCAA champs! It figures, I had Ohio St.

Sports Entrance Exam

UNIVERSITY ENTRANCE EXAM
SEC BASKETBALL PLAYER VERSION
(Time Limit: 3 Weeks)

1. What language is spoken in France?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient
Babylonian Empire with particular
reference to architecture, literature,
law and social conditions

-OR-

give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to:
(a) build a bridge
(b) sail the ocean
(c) lead an army or
(d) WRITE A PLAY

4. What religion is the Pope? (please check
only one answer)
(a) Jewish
(b) Catholic
(c) Hindu
(d) Polish
(e) Agnostic

5. Metric conversion. How many feet is
0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is
on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?

7. How many commandments was Moses given?
(approximately)

8. What are people in America's far north
called?
(a) Westerners
(b) Southerners
(c) Northerners

9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton

10. Six kings of England have been called
George, the last one being George the
Sixth. Name the previous five.

11. Where does rain come from?
(a) Macy's
(b) a 7-11
(c) Canada
(d) the sky

12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory
of Relativity?
(a) yes
(b) no

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National
Anthem for what country?

15. Explain Le Chatelier's Principle of
Dynamic Equilibrium

-OR-

spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16. Where is the basement in a three story
building located?

17. Which part of America produces the
most oranges?
(a) New York
(b) Florida
(c) Canada
(d) Wisconsin

18. Advanced math.
If you have three apples how many apples
do you have?

19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corp.)
stand for?

*You must answer three or more questions correctly to qualify*

Straight A's

"He's great on the court," a sportswriter said of a college basketball player in an interview with his coach. "But's how's his scholastic work?"
...."Why, he makes straight A's," replied the coach.
...."Wonderful!" said the sportswriter.
...."Yes," agreed the coach, "but his B's are a little crooked."

Dennis the Menace

A woman is picked up by Dennis Rodman in a bar. They like each other and she goes back with him to his hotel room. He removes his shirt revealing all his tattoos and she sees that on his arm is one which reads, "Reebok." She thinks that is a bit odd and asks him about it.
....Dennis says, "When I play basketball, the cameras pick up the tattoo and Reebok pays me for advertisement."
....A bit later, his pants are off and she sees "Puma" tattooed on his leg. He gives the same explanation for the unusual tattoo.
....Finally, the underwear comes off and she sees the word "AIDS" tattooed on his penis.
....She jumps back with shock. "I'm not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!"
....He says, "It's cool baby. In a minute it's going to say 'ADIDAS'."

Basketball Shorts

Basketball is America's favorite "running" sport. Number two is avoiding child support payments.

College basketball exists out of necessity. If there was no basketball, it would be necessary for the players to attend class.

I can remember the old days of basketball -- when they shot the ball up at the basket, not down into it.

I play in the over-40 basketball league. We don't have jump balls. The ref just puts the ball on the floor and whoever can bend over and pick it up gets possession.

March Madness describes the mood of everyone who's already working on their income tax.

No.943

6 comments:

Marti said...

Oh lordie! I am laughing so hard my sides ache! The sports quiz was hysterical! The jokes were great, too - 'ADIDAS' omg!

Thanks for the laughter! Hope you have a great day!

Jack K. said...

Great jokes.

Loved the sports quiz. I did have a little difficulty with the Star Spangle Banner.

snerx.

WV: xpisteee. Now tattoo that on your penis, Dennis.

Serena Joy said...

That was hilarious, and I don't even like sports stuff. You made belly laughs today.:)

Miss Cellania said...

I'm glad NCAA is over, it was just a heartbreaker. But I came here to compliment your Easter Bunny post!

Raggedy said...

Great jokes!
Hahahaha!
Thanks
Hugs

Peter said...

These are pretty tough questions for basketballers Mike specially this one;
18. Advanced math.
If you have three apples how many apples
do you have?
I have my doubts that the football team would get this one either.