Thursday, August 16, 2007

Defining Definitions

Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.

Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other.

Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Criminal : A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that You actually look forward to the trip.

Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

Father : A banker provided by nature.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says midway "See I am not injured yet."

Opportunist : A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power.

Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

(Please excuse the recent spate of less-than-orignal-postings. I am working on the continuation and hopefully the conclusion of Her Cups Runneth Over, a murder-mystery short story.)

No.1079

4 comments:

Jack K. said...

You are forgiven for such transgressions. tehee

I am anxiously awaiting the next installment.

Badabing said...

That 'yawn' one really hits home.

Serena Joy said...

Those are some right-on definitions.:)

Miss Cellania said...

Who cares if they're original, they're FUNNY!