Sunday, August 26, 2007

They'll Never Say That

Eat your heart out Janet Jackson.
Now this is a Wardrobe Malfunction!

The Last 11 Things Any Man Would Ever Say:

I think Barry Manilow is one cool artist.
While I'm up, can I get you a beer?
I think hairy butts are really sexy.
Her boobs are just too big.
Sometimes I just want to be held.
That chick on Murder She Wrote gives me a woody.
Sure I'd love to wear a condom!
We haven't been to the mall for ages, let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.
Screw Monday Night Football, let's watch Murphy Brown.
I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask for directions.
No, I don't mind watching "Thelma and Louise" again.

The Perfect Day According to ... HIM

10:00am - Wake up
10:02am - Oral sex
10:15am - Big breakfast
11:30am - Drive up the coast with gorgeous blonde with big boobs
2:15pm - Enormous lunch
3:00pm - Oral sex
3:15pm - Play sports with the guys
4:00pm - Drink beer with guys
6:00pm - Meet Claudia Schiffer
6:10pm - Oral sex
6:25pm - Huge dinner, more beer
11:00pm - Full on, get down, gorilla sex


The Last 11 Things Any Woman Would Ever Say:

Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of just being friends.
Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche that way.
I think hairy butts are really sexy.
Hey, get a whiff of that one.
Please don't throw that old T-shirt away, the holes in the armpit are just too cute.
This diamond is way too big!
I don't mind throwing all these useless shoes out.
I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.
Wow, it really is 14 inches!
Does this make my butt look too small?
I'm wrong, you must be right again.

The Perfect Day According to ... HER

8:45am - Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00am - 5 pounds lighter on the scale
9:30am - Light breakfast
11:00am - Sunbathe
12:00pm - Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:30pm - Shopping
2:30pm - Run into boyfriends ex, notice she's gained 30 pounds
3:00pm - Facial massage and nap
7:30pm - Candle light dinner for two and dancing
10:00pm - Make love
11:00pm - Pillow talk in his big strong arms



Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her....


Show up naked, with beer....

Did you miss chapter 4 of Her Cups Runneth Over ? Read it here to catch up on this sexy mystery.



Jack K. said...

Another possiblity for impressing a woman, particularly your spouse.

"Yes, Ma-am."
"No Ma-am."
"Whatever pleases you my love."

And, you better be sincere when saying it.


Oral sex! 69?

Rain said...

I can't speak for other women but I would not mind if the right man showed up on my doorstep naked with beer.

Also I would love having oral sex three times a day and having hot gorilla sex before sleep each and every night. Sounds like heaven to me ;) *giggles*

Miss Cellania said...

Ya know, from wjat I've read about the guys who do the Muppets, I wouldn't be at all surprised if Miss Piggy wasn't Photoshopped!

Hale McKay said...

I think you'd be right, Miss C.

Hale McKay said...

I'll be over at 10, Rain. Please answer door right away, wouldn't want to get arrested and we wouldn't want the beer to get warm.

Ah-ah-ahhhhhhhaaaaaaa (poor translation of Tarzan's gorilla yell.