One particular Christmas season, a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip. But there were problems. Four of his elves were sick, and the trainee elves just weren't working out.
Things got worse when Mrs. Claus told him her mother was coming to visit. Then, when he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth. Two others had jumped the fence and were out carousing, heaven knows where.
When he went to load the sleigh, one of the side boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground, scattering the toys. Frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey, but when he opened the cupboard, he discovered the elves had apparently had a party, and there was nothing left to drink.
Just as he accidentally dropped the coffee pot, breaking it in hundreds of little pieces, the doorbell rang. Santa opened the door, cursing beneath his breath, and there stood a beautiful little angel with an enormous, perfectly shaped Christmas Traditions Christmas tree. "Merry Christmas Santa," the angel said. "Isn't it just a lovely day to be alive? Look! I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to put it?"
Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
....A psychiatrist loved playing Santa Claus during the holidays. One day at the mall he began psycho-analyzing a group of four mothers with their four small children.
...."You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, " You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
....He turned to the second mother. "Your obsession is with money; Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
....He turns to the third mother. "Your obsession is alcohol. This manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
....At this point the fourth mother turns and takes her little boy by the hand and whispers, "Come on Dick, we're leaving."
Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged
Do You Hear What I Hear?
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY -
We Three Kings Disoriented Are.
I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.
Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and and Office and Town ...or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense!
Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.
PERSONALITY DISORDER -
You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll tell you why.
Silent anhedonia, Holy anhedonia. All is calm, All is pretty lonely.
OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER-
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell... (YOU GET THE IDEA)
OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE PERSONALITY-
The Twelve Days of Christmas
(don't make me repeat that again)
BORDERLINE PERSONALITY -
Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.