Cut Out the Cookies, Claus!

SANTA: PHAT
( Pretty Hefty Ass Tubby )

The acting U.S. Surgeon General, Rear Admiral Steven K. Galson says Santa should slim down to be a better role model for children! "It is really important that the people who kids look up to as role models are in good shape, eating well and getting exercise. It is absolutely critical," he said in a recent interview.

First the Cookie Monster - and now Santa? Where's it end?

This is just the latest blow struck in a global politically correct crusade against this jolly fat man. For example:

**Australian Santas are told not to say, "ho,ho,ho" for fear of offending women or scaring children. ** British Santas are being sent to boot camp to lose weight. ** Some American Santas are being told not to greet people with "Merry Christmas" in case it offends people of different faiths.**

It seems that nearly everywhere Santas have been given a list of taboos also. These include:

** Don't scoop up a child and sit them on your knee, but rather ask a parent to place their child on Santa's knee. It's no longer politically correct for Santa to touch a child. ** Don't conceal your hands when a child has a picture taken with Santa. Santa's hands must be visible at all times. ** Don't smoke or carry a pipe as part of the uniform. ** Don't eat strongly flavored food before meeting parents and children. ** Don't promise a child any particular toy or gift because the parents might not be able to deliver or afford said gift. ** Don't lie on your application because background checks will be made. ** Don't take a job as Santa without liability insurance. **

Isn't it enough that Santa has to endure inferences that he might be a racist, a pedophile, a drunk and a possible criminal? Now we to have classify him as an obsessive over-eater too?

The Surgeon General not withstanding, is Santa being driven to become an under-nourished anorexic? Perhaps he should practice bulimia before each appearance.

I daresay, children would not be comfortable sitting on the bony knees of an emaciated bearded man in a red suit. Besides, could not a skinny Santa be no more or less suspicious than a fat one?

I find it ironic, and disheartening, that a fictitious commercial icon could be thought of as such a threat or so offensive that there has been a world-wide uproar over him. Are there not far more real things wrong on this planet than that of the image of an imaginary fat jolly man?

In Scotland, the following appeared in the newspaper, The Scotsman.

Dr. Miles Fisher, consultant physician at Glasgow Royal Infirmary said, "Santa is the archetypal picture of abdominal obesity. The image of Santa is of a rotund, jolly person and is meant to be one of hilarity, but if you have obesity around your tummy, then it is very bad for you."

I for one like the image of a fat, jolly Santa Claus, especially as depicted by Haddon Sundblom when he was commissioned by Coca Cola to draw him for their advertising campaigns in 1931. His renderings of Santa Claus have become the most widely used and accepted image of the character.

Sure, obesity is a serious problem in children and adults as well! I'm beginning think all this controversy is just a conspiracy being perpetrated by advocates of the Atkins Diet. The Vegans probably have a hand in on it too.

As history has proven, this will probably be a cyclical hot topic. What's next, the Easter Bunny? Why not? Aren't we guilty of animal exploitation personifying a helpless rabbit into a merry spreader of Easter cheer? Can we still say Easter?

Watch your backs Jack Frost, Cupid, St. Patrick, Mothers, Fathers,Uncle Sam and even you, Tooth Fairy! There are very large targets on them.

So, just what is the ideal image of Santa Claus? What will the Santa Claus of the future look like? Into what shape will he evolve?

I suspect the women might have some ideas about that. So men, you better watch out when Santa comes. (Excuse the double entendre, folks.)

No.1185