Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Butt, I Love You

No ands, ifs or butts about it, the butt is the butt of a lot of jokes!

Whether you prefer to call it a butt, the gluteus maximus, posterior, derriere, rear end, buns, bum, or ass, a butt by any other name is still a butt.

Our backsides are essential to our existence. We sit on them ... We lie on them ... We excrete waste from them ... We take them with us wherever we go. They are a prominent feature of our bodies. They come in all sizes and shapes. Men and women alike spend a lot of time looking at them.



Men are often placed in jeopardy when a woman asks if an article of clothing makes her ass look big. (The cartoon above is a clever satire of that tragic question.)

Of course, there are times when the subject of one's ass just might be taken out of context. A good example is the following:
A STORY ABOUT MY ASS

Once upon a time, there was an old miner who was traveling through the desert with his trusty mule of many years. All of a sudden, the mule fell over dead. The old man buried his old friend and put up a cross as a grave marker. He wrote on the cross, "My Ass". Then he continued on his journey.

Years later a town grew nearby the grave. The road into town went right by the marker, so the town adopted the name out of respect for the dead mule. It had become somewhat of an historical site.

Then one day, a traveling salesman, who was lost, wondered into the old desert town, but didn't notice the marker. He saw a man on the street and stopped to get directions. The salesman asked, "Could you please tell me where I am?"

"Sure," replied the old man. "You're right on the edge of My Ass."

The salesman was puzzled by what the man said, so he decided to ask someone else. He thanked the man and continued to what appeared to be the downtown area. He saw another man walking down the street. He asked, "Please sir, could you please tell me where I am, I seem to be lost."

The old man promptly replied, "No problem young fella. You're right smack dab in the middle of My Ass!"

At this point the salesman decided that everyone in the little town was crazy and decided to leave. On the way out of town he spotted a seafood restaurant. He had become quite hungry, so he decided to get something to eat before traveling on to the next town.

The waitress walked over and asked, "What'll you have stranger?"

The man replied, "I think I'll have the crab platter."

The waitress replied, "I'm sorry sir, we're all out of crabs. My husband looked all over My Ass last night and didn't find but two and we ate them."
Men who like women's backsides refer to themselves as "assmen." They rate the female posterior based on their own preferences. They are "ass-perts."

Guys, (gals you can play along too) check out the following picture and rate it. Maybe you even have a guess as to whom the lovely shape belongs.



The above picture is a close up shot with a zoom lens. To see the identity and the rest of this beauty CLICK HERE.

How'd you do, fellas? Ladies?
DOG DAZE

One day, a blind man and his dog are walking down a street, they come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.

The blind man and his dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket, and offers it to the dog.

A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!"

The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass."
Last year the Greatest Ass Beauty Contest was held. To check out these great pics of the two runners-up and the winner CLICK HERE.

Finally, sometimes a common phrase like "a piece of ass" can take on a whole different meaning than what we might be thinking.
The Skin Graft

There was a married couple who were in a terrible accident. The woman's face was burned severely. The doctor told the husband they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was so thin. The husband then donated some of his skin...

However, the only place suitable to the doctor was from his buttocks. The husband requested that no one be told of this, because after all this was a very delicate matter!

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever did before! All her friends and relatives just ranted and raved at her youthful beauty!

She was alone with her husband one day & she wanted to thank him for what he did. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me! There is no way I could ever repay you!!!

He replied, "Oh don't worry, Honey, I'll get plenty thanks enough every time your mother comes over and kisses you on your cheek!!"
Well, I think I should drag my tired butt off to bed. Good night!

No.1300

12 comments:

G-Man said...

What a great post Mike!
Geez, I used to be creative like that..
You are indeed..The Ass-Master!!
Have a wonderful week...G

Mushy said...

I'm such a pervert...I clicked...I was taken in...butt still good enough to eat!

LZ Blogger said...

Loved the cartoon. If I had a dollar for every time I've heard that phrase... I would have retired LONG AGO! ~ jb///

VE said...

All my donkey friends were quite offended reading this. I thought it was funny though and I secretly think they act like asses on occasion.

Hale McKay said...

G-man,

Why thank you ... I think?

Glad you enjoyed it.

Hale McKay said...

Mushy,

When I found those two pics - I did the same thing - hook line and sinker.

Hale McKay said...

LZ,

Good to hear from you. I think we've all heard that phrase before.

Hale McKay said...

VE,

Acting like asses in that they are Democrats?

Scarlet said...

You really had me going there with that butt; I was thinking it was Pamela Anderson for some reason (with a fake tan). Oh well.

I LOVE your cartoons and humor. I may not always comment, but I read. ;)

Hale McKay said...

Scarlet,

Comments are nice, but knowing someone is reading is better.

As always, thanks for dropping by.

Serena Joy said...

You're on a roll today, dude. I'm a perv, too, I guess. I took the bait and clicked. What a butt!:)

Hale McKay said...

Like the caption stated, Serena, it was a nice piece of meat.