Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Blonde, Jane Blonde

Explosive Interlude*

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a great chest!"

He tells her, "That’s 100 lbs of dynamite, Baby."

He takes off his pants and the blonde says, "What massive calves you have!"

The body builder tells her, "That’s another 100 lbs of dynamite, baby."

He then removes his underwear, and the blonde goes running out of the flat screaming in fear. The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her.

He catches up to her and asks, "Why did you run?"

The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!"

The Great Blonde Bank Robbery*


Two blondes decided to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Buffy, in great detail.

The robbery begins...

Judy drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Buffy, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"

"Perfectly," said Buffy.

Buffy goes in the bank while Judy waits in the getaway car. One minute passes... Two minutes pass... Seven minutes pass... and Judy is really stressing out.

Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes Buffy.

She's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time she gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon.

As the gals are getting away, Judy says, "You are such a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!"

Buffy said, "I did... I did exactly what you said!"

"No, you idiot," said Judy. "You got it all mixed up. I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"

*The two previous jokes were taken from Phils Phun.
Record Setting

One day a blonde decided to try nude water skiing.

She finally found a man who would drive the boat and keep his eyes on the water ahead. She sat on the edge of the dock and slipped her feet into the skis and then signaled to the driver of the boat that she was ready.

After failing to remain on the skis and falling into the water she finally got the hang of it. Soon she was gracefully water skiing like a pro. Excited by the thrill of the sport she kept telling the driver to go faster ... and faster.

When the boat hit its top speed the driver had to turn quickly to avoid the shore. The blonde flew out of her skis head over heels into the water, still holding onto the tow rope.

By the time the boat came to a stop, the blonde had set a new World Record in
... the 100 Yard Douche!


Bus Stop

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young blonde woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that would give her enough slack to raise her leg, but found she couldn't reach the step.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time, attempted the step. Once again she could not raise her leg, much to her chagrin.

With a smile to the driver, she again reached behind her to unzip a little more, but was still unable to take the step.

About this time, a large bloke who was standing behind her, picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body? I don't even know you."

The bloke smiled and said, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends."

No.1314

14 comments:

Blue said...

Great stuff as usual Mike! Are those illustrations from Playboy? Very reminiscent of thier style. Great post buddy!

Hale McKay said...

Blue,

Thanks for the visit.

No, these cartoons/illustrations did not appear in Playboy.

They are the work of the fantasy artist, Blas Gallego. The blonde star of his work is named Dolly.

Thirty panels, including those in the post can be found at Sleep 2 Much.

Skunkfeathers said...

So, Dolly can really ski through yachts, eh? Must be the form ;)

Liquid said...

You must know that I am on the floor, laughing my head off!

I LOVE the bodybuilder and the blonde joke.

Reminds me of "someone" I know!

te he te he te he!

Great to be back!
Thanks for your visit......you brighten up the place!

:)

Blue said...

Ahh, I thought the artwork looked familiar. He did covers for "The Conan Chronicles", among other things. Great artist!

Hale McKay said...

Liquid,

Good to see you. Welcome back to the blogging world.

Hale McKay said...

Skunk,

As you see, Dolly is quite "talented."

Hale McKay said...

That's the guy, Blue. He's up there with Vallejo.

Jack K. said...

ROTFLMAO.

Bus Stop. The funniest.

The laugh is greatly appreciated.

Hale McKay said...

Jack,

The "Bus Stop" one really got me too!

KeesKennis said...

The bus stop slayed me and I stole it.

Mushy said...

OMG...I'm turned on my cartoons!

Maybe it was the added beer!

Hale McKay said...

Mushy,

Dolly is quite an eyeful - beer or no beer.

Hale McKay said...

Keeskennis,

Welcome and thanks for dropping by.

The "bus stop" joke is a good one. AS for stealing it - no problem - I stole it myself.