Clear and President Danger

What will you buy with your rebate check?
Milk?
Bread?

Economic factors considered, will Bush's "booster" check make much of a difference in the typical American's life? Dubya says we are not in a recession. Funny, I don't remember the economy in such a state since the Reagan years. Is Dubyanomics really any different from Reaganomics?

Which is more expensive per gallon, milk or gasoline? Depending on what part of the country you call home, they are probably running neck and neck.

Pardon the pun, but why am I beating around the Bush? Let's get to the jokes.

Artificial intelligence

A lady bought a new Lexus. Cost a bundle. Two days later, she brought it back,complaining that the radio was not working.

"Madam," said the sales manager, "the audio system in this car is completely automatic. All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to, and you will hear exactly that!"

She drove out, somewhat amazed and a little confused. She looked at the radio and said, "Nelson." The radio responded, "Ricky or Willie?" She was astounded. If she wanted Beethoven, that's what she got. If she wanted Nat King Cole, she got it.

She was stopped at a traffic light enjoying "On The Road Again" when the light turned green and she pulled out. Suddenly an enormous sports utility vehicle coming from the street she was crossing sped toward her, obviously not paying attention to the light. She swerved and narrowly missed a collision.

"Idiot!" she yelled and, from the radio, "Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States."

Defending the Honor of Texas

A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as President Bush appeared on the television. After a few sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled, "Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen."

A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him. A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Mrs. Bush appeared on the television. "She's a horse's ass too," the man.

This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and knocked him off his stool. "Damn it!" the man said, climbing back up to the bar. "This must be Bush country!"

"Nope," the bartender replied. "Horse country!"

Dubya Mnemonic

Everyone knows that with his command of the English language, Dubya is the Malopropmeister. But have you ever wondered how he remembers the numerous countries and their names? He uses a form of mnemonics (which he pronounces as muh-nim-uh-mix). What follows is a list of countries and places using Dubya Mnemonics. You might not be able to figure out all of them, but don't despair, we are talking about "Bush-speak."

You've Got" Mali
"Help Me" Rwanda
"Head" Laos
"Milk of" Malaysia
"Cold" Turkey
"Elbow" Greece
"Shake" Djibouti
"Malta "Cronkite"
"Seven-Up, The" Angola
"Jailhouse" Iraq
"Electric" Qatar
"Rubber" Czech Republic
Belarus "Lugosi"
"Hand" Grenada
Belize "Navidad"
"Ice" Cuba
"Four-Door" Sudan
"Jacket and" Thailand
"Steady" Cambodia
"Tea for" Tunisia
Ghana "Get a Witness?"
"Vanilla" Iceland
"Perry" Comoros
"Gentle" Benin
"Neither" Norway
"Either" Andorra
"Killer" Wales
"Wig" Guam
Tonga "Depressor"
"Wheat" Germany
"Dee" Luxembourg
"Six" Pakistan
"Frasier" Ukraine
"Sir Thomas" Malawi
"Al" Gabon
"The Cat's" Macau
"East of" Sweden
"Ebony and" Ivory Coast
"Night of the" Botswana
"Thurgood" Marshall Islands
"Willy" Oman
Hungary "Heart"
"Things I" Haiti "About You"
"Have You Ever Been Ex" Syria
"Less Talk" Morocco
"When It Rains, It" Singapore
Libya? "I Hardly Know Her"
"Two Big Macs" Togo
"I Promise I'll" Palau
"Martina Navra" Moldova

President Bush said he would like America to establish a permanent base on the moon. This is all part of his plan to get Americans used to an environment where the air is un-breathable and there are no trees. - Jay Leno

No.1312