It's not the first time, and I'm certain that it won't be the last time that I'll experience
Sometimes I'll surf around for some pictures or cartoons and make up some nonsensical caption or write an equally lame comment about the image. Well - I know, it's a deep subject for a shallow mind - I'm afraid that well was dry.
Finally inspiration, actually more of an idea out of desperation, came to me from the TV set in the next room. It was a local news story about a not so bright bank robber in a Boston suburb.
The young man walked into a bank and handed the teller a note demanding all the money in her drawer. The note stated that he had a gun and was not afraid to use it.A Thief's Day in Court
The teller emptied the contents of her drawer and handed the robber the money. She waited until he had exited the bank before she sounded the alarm.
When the police arrived the teller showed the note to the officers. Five minutes later they drove to a certain address and parked on the street. They waited for the thief to arrive at the address and promptly arrested him.
It seems our hero had written his demands on the back of a check. It was his own personal check, which conveniently had printed upon it his name and address!
After a laborious two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank robbery case, the jury finally ended its 14 hours of deliberations and entered the courtroom to deliver its verdict to the judge. The judge turns to the jury foreman and asks, "Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?"
"Yes we have, your honor," the foreman responded.
"Would you please pass it to me,"
The judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him.
After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and instructs the foreman, "Please read your verdict to the court."
"We find the defendant NOT GUILTY of all four counts of bank robbery," stated the foreman.
The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the sound of the "not guilty" verdict and hug each other as they shout expressions of divine gratitude. The defendant's attorney turns to his client and asks,
"So, what do you think about that?"
The defendant looks around the courtroom slowly with a bewildered look on his face and then turns to his defense attorney and says,
"I'm real confused here. Does this mean that I have to give all the money back?"
It Comes Down To
Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the internal security system got underway immediately.Â The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash and valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered throughout the bank.
The robbers cracked the first safe's combination, and inside they found Only a bowl of vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio-tape system, one said, "At least we'll get a bit to eat,"
The robbers opened up a second safe, and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding. The process continued until all the safes were opened.
They found not one pound sterling, a diamond, or an ounce of gold. Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.
Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit, each leaving with nothing more than a queasy, uncomfortably full stomach.
The newspaper headline read:
IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING.
The Head Teller
A man wearing a mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shot gun. "Open the safe!" he yells at the girl behind the counter.
"But we're not a real bank" replies the girl. "This is a sperm bank, we don't hold money".
"Don't argue just open the safe or I'll blow your head off!" She obliges and opens the safe door.
"Take one of the bottles and drink it!"
"But it's full of sperm" the girl replies nervously.
"Don't argue, just drink it" he says.
She prys off the cap and gulps it down.
"Take out another one and drink it too!" he demands.
The girl drinks another one.
Suddenly the guy pulls off the mask and to the girl's amazement it's her husband.......
"Not that damn difficult, is it?" he says.