There was a mature gentleman wandering around in a supermarket calling out at intervals, "Crisco, Cris--co!"
Finally a store clerk approached. "Sir, the Crisco is on aisle five."
"Oh," replied the old gentleman, "I'm not looking for cooking Crisco, I am calling my wife."
"Your wife is named Crisco?"
"Nah," he answered, "I only call her that when we come to the supermarket."
"Oh? What do you call her when you are not in the supermarket?"
"My wife caught a Peeping Tom last night, and she'd have killed him if we hadn't stopped her," said George.
"He must have made her very angry, peeking at her, huh?" replied his friend.
"No, that's not what made her the maddest," the husband chuckled.
"It's not?" asked the friend.
"No, she got mad when he reached in the window and closed the curtains!"
The latest scam in the Ft Lauderdale, Florida area which is happening at the Galleria Mall.
Two good looking 18 year old women come to your car as you are parking your car;
One starts wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, the other comes to your window saying 'hi' while bending over with her breasts almost coming out of her blouse, impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say no and beg you for a ride to the Town Square Mall.
You agree and tell them to sit in the back. On the way they start having sex in the back seat.
Then one of them performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I was assaulted last Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
TWO STORY HOUSE
A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce.
The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce."
"Because," the man says, "I live in a two-story house."
The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?"
The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is 'I have a headache' and the other story is 'It's that time of the month.'"
AN ANSWER FOR EVERYTHING
A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked, with a lovely young thing.
Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her and said, "Honey, before you leave, please let me explain."
The wife stopped to listen. He continued, "I was driving along the highway, and I saw this young girl looking very tired and bedraggled, so I offered her a lift. She was also hungry, so I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast beef in the refrigerator which you didn't like. She was wearing some very worn sandals, so I gave her a pair of your shoes which you'd discarded simply because they were out of style. She was cold, so I gave her the sweater I bought you for your birthday - the one you never wore because the colors didn't suit you. Her slacks were torn, so I gave her a pair of yours that were perfectly good, but much too small for you now."
The wife seemed to have no problem with any of this, but still needed just one question to be answered. "That's all fine and good," she said, "but why did I find you both in our bed with no clothes on?"
The husband replied, "Well, that's simple... see, as she was about to leave the house, she turned to me and asked, "Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?"