Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Political Peccadilloes

By changing the names and places, not only can you protect the innocent, but you can turn an old joke into a new joke. Will they still be funny? I'll tell you what, you can be the judge of that.

Sign at a Pharmacological Lab:
Immunization Services
How can we resist you?

From the Mouths of Babies

Barack Obama on the campaign trail at a small town rally was shaking hands with the locals. He spied a little ten-year-old girl being held by an adult. He said to her, "If you were elected President of the United States, what would your first act be?"

The girl thought for a moment and then replied, "The same thing you should do. Have the voters' heads examined."

Going Up ... Going Down

After visiting a topless bar and a strip club, Bill Clinton was feeling a little randy. He knew that since she wasn't chosen as Obama's running mate, Hillary would not be receptive of his advances.

He stopped at the entrance to a skyscraper known for its open air observation deck. He decided that he could use the fresh cool air high above the hot streets of the city and it would help him to rid his mind of thoughts of sex.

As it turns out, the elevator operator was a stunning young woman with a great body. As the elevator began its ascent Bill started trying to impress her. She wasn't having any of his antics, thank you.

Not dissuaded, he swaggered closer to the young woman and cooed: "I'll bet all these starts and stops make you mighty tired."

"No, I really don't mind all the starts and stops," she said icily. "But I sure do get tired of all the jerks!"

Would You Like Some Hello?

Because of the publicity generated by McCain ads that thrust Paris Hilton on the airwaves as his "running mate," Barack Obama set up a meeting with the infamous heiress.

During the course of their conversation he asked her how she spent her summer weekends.

She replied, "I visited a friend in San Jose."

"You pronounce that wrong," he said to her. "It's San Ho-Say. In California all the J's are pronounced like H's. Anyway, when were you there?"

Paris thought for a moment and answered "In Hune and Huly."

Comp Time

It appeared that in the near future Hillary would be returning to her Senate post and he would once again be out of the public eye. He decided to start up a consulting firm to keep himself busy.

One day Al Gore dropped in to say hello to him. "Bill, how do you expect to accomplish anything in your office with three young good-looking secretaries around?"

"Easy," was Bill's confident answer. "I'll give two of them the same day off."

Burnt Offerings

"Darling," Cindy McCain said to her husband John, "I'm afraid your dinner is a little burnt tonight."

"Oh no!" exclaimed the Presidential hopeful. "Don't tell me they had a fire at the delicatessen!"

Shark Attack

It should come as no surprise that lawyers married to each other actually charge their significant others legal fees for the sex they have together. For tax purposes these fees are labeled as "Private Consultations." Barack and Michelle Obama are no different, charging themselves at a rate of $150 an hour.

It seems that the Democratic Presidential hopeful and his wife are suing each other over considerable differences in their most recent bill.

Barack's bill to Michelle:
Private Consultation - 2 hours x $150 per hour = $300

Michelle's bill to Barack:
Private Consultation - 3 minutes x $150 per hour = $7.50


Jack K. said...

A sense of humor is a terrible thing to waste. I'm glad yours is doing well.


Skunkfeathers said...


Hale McKay said...

Thank you Jack and Skunk.