Acts of Randomness

I fired my Fairy God Mother today!

(Click on image above to enlarge.)
Some T-Shirt Wisdom

I'm Thinking Outside the Box,
but I keep hitting a cardboard ceiling.

Intelligent Design:
an oxymoron of biblical proportions

Freudian slips are
so sexy

To Burp Is Human,
To Fart Is Divine

Almost as smart as my phone.

~~ Presidential Qualifications ~~
In a civics class the teacher was discussing what qualifications one must meet to become the President of the United States.

"It's pretty simple," she said addressing the attentive students. "The candidate must be a natural born citizen of the U.S., and be at least 35 years old."

However, one girl in the class immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born citizen. In short, her opinion was this requirement prevented many capable individuals from becoming president.

The class was just taking it in and letting her rant, but everyone's jaw hit the floor when she wrapped up her argument by stating....

"What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to lead this country than one born by c-section."

...And yes, that girl was a blonde!

~~ Smart Boy! ~~
An old man sitting on his front porch in Louisiana watching the sunrise sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

The boy yells back, "Roll of chicken wire."

The old man says, "What you gonna do with that?"

The boy says, "Catch me some chickens."

The old man yells, "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise,
he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

At the same time the next morning, the old man is out watching the sunrise
and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand.
The old man yells out, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

The boy yells back, "Roll of duct tape."

The old man says, "What you gonna do with that?"

The boy says back, "Catch me some ducks."

The old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!"The boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That night, around sunset, the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement, he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.

At the same time the next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.The old man says, "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

The boy says, "It's a pussy willow."

"Hold on," says the old man. "I'll get my hat."

(The preceding joke was purloined from Phils Phun.)



Surgeon General's Warning:

If you have the hiccups, NEVER chew bubblegum!

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