Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Laughter: the Best Medicine

Statistics Don't Lie

There are 700,000 doctors in the U.S.
Doctors cause 120,000 accidental deaths each year.
That works out to 0.171 deaths per physician (U.S. Department of Health & Human Services.)
There are 80,000,000 gun owners in the U.S.
There are 1,500 accidental gun deaths per year.
That works out to 0.0000188 accidental deaths per gun owner.
Statistically doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.


You Must Be a Dentist

A guy and a girl met at a bar. They started getting along really well they decide to go to the girl's place for a drink.

A few drinks later, the guy took off his shirt and washed his hands. He then took off his socks and washed his hands. The girl was observing this and says, "You must be a dentist!"

Flabbergasted, the guy responded "Yes. That's amazing how did you figure that out ?"

The girl said, "Easy .... you keep washing your hands."

One thing led to another, they migrated to the bed and things became more passionate. After they were done, the girl said, "You must be a GREAT dentist!"

The dentist said, "Yes, I sure am a great dentist. How did you figure that out?"

The girl said, "Easy, I didn't feel a thing."


American Technology

A group of doctors were at a convention in Switzerland.The topic of discussion was the new medical technology from their countries.

"In my country," a German doctor said, "medicine is so advanced, we can perform heart surgery on a person on Monday, and have him back to work in 2 weeks."

"That's nothing," a Japanese doctor said. "We can perform an appendectomy on a person on Tuesday, and have him back in work by Saturday."

"That's nothing!" said an American doctor. "We can take an asshole from Texas, put him in the White House and half the country is out of work the next day!"

Nurse Nancy

Two doctors in practice in a small country clinic had to hire a new nurse when the one they had won the lottery and quit.

They interviewed Nurse Nancy and decided to hire her. She had only worked two days when one doctor called the other to his office and said that they would have to let Nurse Nancy go.

"Why, we just hired her?"

"Well, I think she is dyslexic and gets thing backward. I told her to give Mr. Smith two shots of morphine every 24 four hours, but she gave him 24 shots in two hours and it almost killed him. I told her to give Mrs. Jones an enema every twelve hours and she gave her twelve in one hour."

The doctor had barely finished his reasons when the other doctor rushed out of the room.

"Where are you going in such a hurry?" the doctor asked.

"To find Nancy, I just instructed her to prick Mr. Hill`s Boil!"

1593

6 comments:

Skunkfeathers said...

Doctors are 9,000 times more dangerous than guns!!!!!

Bwhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Hale McKay said...

Skunk,

It looks my title was right. I think you're cured.

Jack K. said...

ROTFLMAO.

Your title is right on.

Thanks, I needed that.

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Bwahahahahahaha. I stole two of these. I gave you credit of course.

Have a terrific day. :)

Hale McKay said...

Jack,

Take two laughs and come back tomorrow.

Hale McKay said...

Sandee,

No problem, a joke doesn't become a joke until it is stolen a few times and circulates anyway.