She's more determined than brother Dan. If that's not enough, she's a better shot! She thinks the pen is mightier than the sword. She wants to make sure what you write on those cardss, you mean it!
I admire your strength, I admire your spunk
But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk.
Our love will never become cold and hollow
Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.
I bought this Valentine's card at the store
In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore.
This feels so good, it feels so right
I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.
You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class
Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.
Before I met you, my heart was so famished
But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!
Through all the things that came to pass
Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass.
You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie
I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".
I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny
So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!
If you think that hickey looks like a blister,
you should check out the one that I gave to your sister!
on A Valentines Day Card To Your Significant Other:
Bored usband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is a husband.
Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without...but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
My wife and I always compromise; I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand.
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
One woman's hobby is another woman's hubby.
Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
My wife told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.
The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.
Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done.
Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Cosmetics: A woman's way of keeping a man from reading between the lines.
Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute
Bachelors should pay more taxes, they enjoy a better quality of life.
Why Government does not allow a Man to Marry 2 Women.
Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake
When do you congratulate someone for their mistake. On their marriage.
If you do NOT have a wife - You are missing Some thing in your life.
If you have a wife - You are missing So Many things in your life.