AWOL (A weekend of Laughter)

Terror in the Produce Department

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Leftovers
A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom.

When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride where she sees all of him well.

Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and stared, and she asked shyly, "What's THAT?", pointing to a small part of his anatomy.

He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, "Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night."

And she, in amazement asked, "Is that all we have left?"

How about that?
Just about everyone has seen or heard the following joke at one time or another.

Well, to the left is an appropriate picture to accompany it.

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A little boy and a little girl were playing. The little boy exposes himself, and pointing says" my daddy says I have one of these and you don't!".

The little girl very upset by this runs crying into the house. A while later, very much settled and content, she comes out. She exposes herself and pointing says "I have one of these, and my mommy says when I get older if I am good, I can have all of those I want!".

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A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating. The little boy asked his Dad what was happening.

The Father replied, "Well, son, they're making a puppy."

The following evening, the little boy was thirsty, so he went from his bed to get a glass of water. Not being able to reach the glasses, he walked unannounced into his parents bedroom, who were making love in their usual missionary position. Confused, the boy asked what were they doing.

The Dad responded very slowly and caringly to his impressionable little boy, "Well, son, we are making you a little brother."

The little boy replied, "Please turn Mom over, Dad, I'd rather have a puppy!"

That Age-Old Question - Part 2

Yes, They Do this Too!
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Nun of This, Nun of That
This nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight and she looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune. So she thought to herself, "I'll give it a try just to see what it tells me."

So she went over to the machine and she put her nickel in and card came out and it said: You're a nun you weigh 128lbs and you're going to Chicago Illinois.

So she sat back down and thought about it. She thought to herself, "It probably tells everyone the same thing, I'm going try it again."

So she went over to the machine again and put her nickel in it, a card came out and said: You're a nun, you weigh 128lbs., you're going to Chicago Ill. and you're going to play a fiddle.

She said to herself, "I know that's wrong I have never played a musical instrument a day in my life."

She sat back down and this cowboy came over and set his fiddle case down. She picked up the fiddle and just started playing beautiful music. She looked back at the machine and said, "This is incredible I've got to try it again."

So she went back to the machine put her nickel in another card came out and it said: You're a nun, you weigh 128lbs., you're going to Chicago Ill. and you're going to break wind.

She thinks, "I know it's wrong now. I've never broke wind in public a day in my life." Well she tripped and fell off the scales and FARTED like a bay mule.

So she sat back down and looked at the machine once again. She said to herself, "This is truly unbelievable, I've got to try it again."

She went back to the machine, put her nickel in and a card came out and said: You're a nun, you weigh 128lbs., you're going to Chicago Ill. and you're going to have sex.

She said, "Ah-hah, that does it. I know for sure its wrong now, I'm a nun, I haven't ever had sex, and I'm never going to have sex."

Shortly while she in the restroom to freshen up, a huge electrical storm came through the area and the electricity went off. While she stumbled around in the dark a man wrestled her to the floor and raped her.

When the power was restored, she sat back down and thought about it for few minutes and then said, "This is truly, truly, incredible. But one thing is for certain, I've got to try it again just to see what is gonna happen to me before I leave this airport."

She went over to the machine put her nickel in and a card came out and it said: You're a nun, you weigh 128lbs., you have fiddled, farted, and fucked around and have just missed your flight to Chicago!

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Babies To Baubles

One afternoon a little girl returned from school, and announced that her friend had told her where babies come from.

Amused, her mother replied, "Really, sweetie, why don't you tell me all about it?"

The little girl explained, "Well... OK... the Mommy and Daddy take off all of their clothes, and the Daddy's thingee sort of stands up, and then Mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that's how you get babies."

Her mom shook her head, leaned over to meet her, eye to eye and said, "Oh, darling, that's sweet, but that's not how you get babies. That's how you get jewelry."

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