Thursday, March 05, 2009

Information Highway Robbery

The safest way to double your money -
fold it and put it back in your pocket.

I think those ads and their spokes-baby are creepy.

From 1972 to 1992, I worked in that battle zone known as the stock market. During those two decades there were several fluctuations that saw the Dow Jones Industrials index "crash" and then like the phoenix from the ashes rise again to new heights.

When I left that line of work, the Dow Jones average was sitting in the vicinity of 6000. In a span of about 15 years since there was a meteoric rise in the value of the equity markets which saw the market indicators double. Of course, that was before our country's (and the world's) economy collapsed into present day free fall. In a word, we were in the midst of a recession.

While I was employed by the Boston Stock Exchange in various departments and positions, I was aware that there were three major areas of our economy that were experiencing great growth.

Those entities, the Stock Market, the banks and Real Estate, were grossly overpriced. One day there would have to be a major correction in their values.

There were some expert financial analysts who suggested that possibility, but few embraced it wholly. Alas, no one listened to them or took their predictions as viable or serious. For too long when Allan Greenspan spoke, the world listened. Thus when he took a view contrary to those indications, the fate of our economy was sealed.

° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° °
Why did God create stock analysts?
To make weather forecasters look good.

° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° °
The most successful financier was Noah:
He floated stock while everything around him went into liquidation.

° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° °
The most successful female financier was the Pharaoh's daughter:
She went to the Nile Bank and floated a prophet.

° ° ° ° ° ° ° ° °

Two women were walking through the woods when a frog called out to them and said: "Help me, ladies! I am a stockbroker who, through an evil witch's curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you will kiss me, I'll be returned to my former state!"

One woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag.
The other woman, aghast, screamed, "Didn't you hear him? If you kiss him, he'll turn into a stockbroker!"

The second woman replied, "Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth more than a stockbroker!"

Stock Market Investment tips for 2009

Get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for these consolidations in 2009.

1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R.Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2.) Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly Warner Cracker.

3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and issue forth as: MMMGood.

4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa.

5. FedEx is expected to join its major competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become:
Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: Poupon Pants.

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will
become: Knott NOW!

9. Victoria's Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new
name: Titty Titty Bang Bang

You Need Insurance

A stockbroker and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The stockbroker said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything."

"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything."

The stockbroker looked somewhat confused. "How do you start a flood?" he asked.

Top ten reasons investing is like sex:

1. Some like it long, some like it short.

2. You can study the market as much as you like, but it all comes down to luck.

3. Those who talk about it the most, have the least experience.

4. One simple mistake could lead to 18 unprofitable years.

5. Some prefer to sit back and watch it grow.

6. Terms include swing trading, asset turnover, naked call, after hours, insider trading, silent partner, blind entries, 30-day wash rule, straddle, triangles, descending tops, ascending bottoms, pump and dump, partial surrender, stop order, position limit, voluntary liquidation, and explicit interest.

7. Low confidence can keep you out of the market.

8. Everyone tends to focus on performance.

9. Some do it alone, others do it with a group, and some hire professionals, and the best reason ...

10. Some positions are better than others and the best position is always up for debate!

And remember, past performance is not necessarily indicative of future results.



Skunkfeathers said...

LOL...I don't invest these days; I make alternative tax payments to the Great Wealth Transfer Void. As a lower middle income earner, still haven't figured out how that was supposed to happen with "change"...

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

We are seeing change alright. I don't think it's quite what most of us expected though.

Yep, most of us that were paying attention knew this was going to happen. I'm watching my neighbors who kept refinancing their homes to buy goodies suffer. They are letting their trailers, boats and other toys go back in default. Most can barely hang on to their homes and in some cases they probably won't be able to. Very sad indeed.

Have a terrific day. :)

74WIXYgrad said...

Back in the 90's we saw the dot com boom and people put their trust in blue sky.

Now we have the government pushing their stimulus packages and want people to put their trust in hot air.

Sony and Hamilton Beach are going to merge and become Sony Beach.

Hale McKay said...


I haven't invested either. To invest you really need excess disposable funds.

The moths in my wallet and pockets are becoming cannibalistic.

Hale McKay said...


You are so right. The warning signs were there for all to see. Some didn't recognize the signs, others ignored them, and the rest of us held on and are still holding on for dear life.

We are helpless to try to help our neighbors, friends and even families. We know we are on the brink of ruin ourselves.

Hale McKay said...


I was working in the market at the early start of the dot com boom.

I was there during the "gambling/casinos boom.

LOL @ Sony Beach. I like that one.

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