Tuesday, March 31, 2009

March Was Madness

Hey, March.
Good Riddance!

March for me has been one helluva year. The worst March that I can remember for some time was this one, the 2009 edition.

I woke up the morning of March the 1st to find 11 inches of fresh fallen snow. That snow was on top of 8 inches that been deposited the previous Friday. The temperatures were in the 40s by the afternoon and there was a lot of melting - which froze over during the night to "accessorize" my driveway with a sheet of ice so smooth it looked like a Zamboni had just run over it.

Hello, Mr. Driveway! Meet Mr. Buttocks!

The character at the right is shouting those large italicized words opening this post. It is a very unique self-portrait of me. It is unique in that it is a self-portrait that looks nothing whatsoever like me.

(Besides, I don't have a green shirt with French cuffs. I don't own a shirt of any color with French cuffs. I don't even own a green shirt. And yes, I do own a shirt or two.)

That's not the first portrait of me I've seen this month that does not resemble me.

Those responsible for portraits at the Registry of Motor Vehicles need to take some lessons in photography.

Although they vehemently denied it, I contended that they used the picture of someone else; one who hadn't combed his hair, hair which needed a barber's care, had just woken up, skipped a second cup of coffee, and judging by his grin was thinking thoughts about the pretty RMV clerk that if acted upon would have resulted in a resounding slap across the face. Then she said something that was as smarting as a physical slap - she said the photo was digitally enhanced!

So I asked if I could use instead the picture taken for the last license. I said it at least almost looks like me.

She said no. She said of last one that it "almost" looked like me five years ago! (Everyone thinks they're a comedian, I thought to myself.) She said older people age more in five years than other people. I said to her, "Doesn't everyone age five years over a five year span?"

I knew what she meant. I walked away. I had no choice but to accept that picture on my new driver's license. I was right though. The new picture didn't look like me, at least the me I wished it to look like. Now the old one looks like me, it's just that I don't look like it.

I'm not really a vain person. Honest! I'm not. It's just that I didn't realize that my appearance had changed that much in a mere five years. I know that it's all relative. Five years at this stage of my life represents a larger percentage of the years I have remaining.

If today is the first day of the rest of my life, then yesterday must have been the last day of the best of my life? Uh-oh! What does that make tomorrow?

The same day that I received the new license in the mail, I received the card at the left.

Of course they'll vehemently deny this too - but I'll bet the RMV sent a copy of my new license picture to these folks.

Hmmm ... I wonder ... If I had asked them to use my self-portrait above, do you suppose they would have?

March gave us three more rounds of snow, but fortunately they were melted away in a couple of days. On the 14th, a Saturday, my yard was finally almost clear of snow. The brown grass was visible. On that day I finally was able to take down the remaining Christmas lights draped on the shrubs and crab apple tree in the front yard.

From the 15th on, virtually every other day we had rain on the weekdays and rain on both weekend days.

The last five days have been mild in the 50s and spring-like. Those first few signs of spring have been appearing:

I've seen robins hopping in the yard. They were setting up the first traveling carnival on the parking lot of the theater complex. I played and was wiped out early in my NCAA bracket pool.

Tomorrow is the the first day of April. Next Monday the Boys of Summer, the BoSox will take the field at Fenway Park vs the Tampa Bay Rays.

Yep, tomorrow will be the first day of April and that is significant for something else. It won't be long until we are deluged with April showers! ...More rain.

And ... oh by the way tomorrow is April Fool's Day! Keep your guard up!



Skunkfeathers said...

you're a braver soul than me, posting your DL photo online! I'd consider doing it with mine, if I were told that my photo was all that stood between safety of the Earth and invading hordes from Uranus.

Hale McKay said...


A braver soul? Maybe foolish would work better?

Keep your invading hordes away from my anus.