Wednesday, March 11, 2009

You Say Blonde Like It's a Bad Thing

A blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for glasses.

The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while covering the right eye.

The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye doctor, in disgust, took a paper lunch bag with a hole to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to read the letters. As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.

"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional about getting glasses."

"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire frames."

I overheard a U.S. Navy pilot trying to impress a blonde in a bar.

PILOT: Did you know the most difficult job in the US Military is being a Navy Pilot?
BLONDE: I guess it is really hard to make the boats fly!

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5.00, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5.00. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

A redneck blonde went to the school to register her boys. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"

"Ten," she replied.

"And what are their names?" he asked.

"Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, and Bob."

"They're ALL named Bob?" he asked. "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"

"Oh, that's easy," she explained, "I just call 'Bob,' and they all come running inside."

"And if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"

"I just say, 'Bob, come eat your dinner,' and they do." She answered.

"But what if you want just ONE of them to do something?" he asked.

"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name."

There was a brunette standing along side a busy road chanting "88, 88, 88, 88..." until a blonde came up to her and said, "that looks like fun, can I try?"
The brunette said sure so the blonde chanted, "88, 88, 88, 88.."
"Well," said the brunette, "that is fun. But what is even more fun is if you say it in the middle of the street".
The blonde said "OK" and stood in the middle of the street. "88, 88, 88, 88-" BAM! she was run over by a car, completely flattened.
Along the side of the road, the brunette began to chant, "89, 89, 89, 89..."

A blonde goes into a worldwide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland. When the man tells her that it will cost her $300, she exclaims," I don't have that much money. I'll do anything to get a message to my mother!"
To that the man asks, "Anything?"
And the blonde says, "Yes, anything!"
With that the man says, "Follow me."
He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door."
She does this and then he says, "Get on your knees."
She does. He then says, "Take down my zipper."
She does. Then he says, "Go ahead, take it out."
With that, she takes it out and holds it with both hands. And then the man says somewhat impatiently, "Well, go ahead!"
She then brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it very closely to her lips, she says," Hello, Mom?"

A blonde who is wearing a dress is walking home from school. She comes across a boy sitting up in a tree.
The boy says to do a cartwheel and the girl says no. Then the boy says "I'll give you a cookie."
So the blonde does a cartwheel. When she gets home, her mom asks where she got the cookie from.
The blonde tells her mother about the boy in the tree and the cartwheel.
The mother twills her daughter not to do that anymore. The boy is just trying to see her underwear.
The next day the blonde is wearing a dress again and the boy asks her to do a cartwheel again.
The blonde says no and the boy says "I'll give you a cookie." So the blonde does the cartwheel again.
When the blonde gets home, the mom says "Did you do a cartwheel again."
The blonde says "Yes"
The mom says "Honey I told you not to do that, the boy is just trying to see your underwear."
Then the blonde says "But mom I tricked him,today I didn't wear any underwear!"

Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend for a bowling tournament in Atlantic City.

The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus, and the blonde team rides on the top level. The brunette team down below is whooping it up, having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs.

She decides to go up and investigate. When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them. They all had white knuckles.
The brunette says, "What's goin' on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"

One of the blondes looks up and says to her, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"



Jack K. said...


Skunkfeathers said...


NYD said...

It's good to sit here reading this and enjoy a good laugh.
They don't get blonde jokes here.

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Bwahahahahahahaha. Hello Mom. Bwahahahahahahaha.

You've got a driver. Bwahahahahaha.

Thanks for the laughs. Have a terrific day. :)

Peter said...

"But mom I tricked him,today I didn't wear any underwear!"

I have senior moments like this.... I Think.

Hale McKay said...


When you wear a dress, you don't wear underwear?

Hale McKay said...


You are welcome. It looks like you like a couple of them.

Hale McKay said...


That's right. There aren't many blondes in Japan are there?

Hale McKay said...


A man of few words and a lot of yoks.

Hale McKay said...


I take it, they all met your approval.

Jack K. said...

Indeed they did.

ROTFLMAO, still.

Ta ta, Bob, whatever your name.