Saturday, April 04, 2009

E-mail Jokes Unleashed

The Obedient Italian Wife!

There was an Italian immigrant man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real "miser" when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his Italian wife..."When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, (what else), and her best friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertaker got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a moment!"

She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertaker locked the casket down and they rolled it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."

The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm an Italian Catholic & I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in the casket with him."

You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account, I wrote him a check.... If he can cash it, then he can spend it." AMEN!

Panties on a plane ..

There were three black ladies getting ready to take a plane trip for the first time.

The first lady said, "I don't know bout y'al but I'm gunna wear me sum hot pink panties beefo I gets ondat plane."

"Why you gonna wear dem fo?", the other two asked.

The first replied, "Cause,if dat plane goes down and I'm out dare laying butt-up in a conefield, dey gonna find me first."

The second lady said, "Well, I'm a-gonna w ear me some flo-esant orange panties."

"Why you gonna wear dem?" the others asked.

The second lady answered, "Cause if dis hare plane is goin' down and I be floating butt-up in the oshun, dey can see me first."

The third old lady says, "Well, I'm not gonna wear any panties" . .

"What? No panties?" the others asked in disbelief.

The third lady says, "Dat's right girlfriends, you hears me right. I ain't wearin any panties, cause if dis plane goes down, honey, dey always look fo da black box first."

A Dumb Beach

A blond is showing off her new tattoo of a giant seashell on her inner thigh.

Her friends ask her why she would get such a tattoo and in that location.

She responds, "It's really cool. If you put your ear up against it, you can smell the ocean!"

Condolences

Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling and urging her to get back into the world.

Finally, Anna said she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.

Her daughter immediately replied, 'Mom I have someone for you to meet.'

Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Vermont.

Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties; he was in his birthday suit.

Looking her over, he asked, 'Why the black panties?'

She replied: 'My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning.' He knew he was not getting lucky that night.

The following night was the same--she stood there wearing the black panties, and he was in his birthday suit--but now he was wearing a black condom.

She looked at him and asked: 'What's with the black condom?'

He replied, 'I want to offer my deepest condolences.'

1655

8 comments:

the 4 Bs said...

thanks for the jokes today.

i didn't know about Hoss until today. geesh.... what a loss.... he was one of a kind.

i hope all is well with you.

peg

Jack K. said...

Funny jokes. lol

Here is a site for more.

Hale McKay said...

Peg,

Aw I'm sorry you had to find out from my site and sidebar.

Yes, Hoss will be missed.

Hale McKay said...

Jack,

Thanks for the link to "Blue Cow." I'm overdue dropping by there.

Skunkfeathers said...

Remind me to avoid Italian women like that one ;)

Peter said...

There was a coupla groaners in there Mike.

Hale McKay said...

Skunk,

You gotta laud her ingenuity though.

Hale McKay said...

Peter,

I think I can guess which two they were.